Role Models of America

Understanding Your Season

Most love the change in the seasons..... and feel ready for the change in weather.   Pulling warmer clothing out, and those scarves and boots makes life feel exciting and fresh for a change.  We love the seasonal foods and holidays that will soon appear on the Calendar. .  Gives us something different  to think about and look  forward to.  Our family traditions come out and we celebrate anew the changes around us. 

Life is like that...... we are young once. Then become teens with twisting feelings, actions and attitudes that change with the wind every day.  Slowly the season changes and we grow up into adults who find the responsibilities of life sweet sometimes and bitter at other times.  

Then we hit midlife..... suddenly 'mom and dad' know a bit more about life than they did when we were all young. And our children change seasons and start moving out on their own and the cycle of life turns again for them.  And we must fill our hours with new projects since the kids now are grown into their own lives and projects.  

Suddenly 70 looms ahead and we think, "where did the time go?  I'm not old but I'm 70 now!" The season of life has shifted without our permission and lifted us from the ease of completions into the stages of fading strengths and memories.  

Yet the seasons of life carry us from growth to growth when we allow the seasons to change for us. Not clinging backwards to that which is darkened yesterday, but fully enjoying the flaming colors of brilliance today and what lies ahead. 

Like the falling leaves of Autumn happening now outside...... inside the heart the leaves can take on new hues of clarity and focus letting the yesterdays of life slowly fall behind our steps day by day.  Embrace each season and savor it's special moments as that is what life ...... living a real life is all about. Being fully alive in the season of today.  

And the One who made you will bring your own life full circle in completion and glory in the end.  

Sip a cup of tea and think about this....... different seasons  are a  part of life.  Grief Guide Ministries understands the changes and helps those in loss deal with the changes that we cannot change. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God's Way is Perfect - Grief Guide Ministries

 

Surrounding Me with Love

A little over two years have passed since my husband went to be with the Lord.  My melt downs have decreased dramatically and I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore, but I still ask myself will the emptiness and loneliness ever go away? 

 

About a month ago I had foot surgery and couldn’t put my foot down on the ground for two weeks.  I found myself having to depend on my daughter and granddaughter to help me.  This was the first time since Steve went to be with the Lord that I’ve had a procedure performed and he wasn’t in the  hospital waiting room waiting for me to get out of surgery.  Then following the surgery not being able to get around and take care of even the small things for myself made me feel totally hopeless.

 

To compound matters, the past two weeks have been filled with one heart ache after another.  My late husband’s Uncle passed away, then my friend Sis. Gladys passed away.  My son-in-law treated me horribly and it broke my heart.  Then a week later my little dog Oscar passed away.  I found myself bursting into tears again, feeling so alone.  I started asking God, “You know how much I hate being alone, why did you take Steve away from me?” 

 

As I sat there and cried, my phone chirped.  I received a text from a friend asking me to go out to eat with her.  It was like God gently reached down and gave me a little shake.  At the perfect time and moment I received that text and once again realized that while I come home to an empty house each evening, God has not left me alone.  He has filled my life with Tremendous Pastors and a Wonderful Church Family.  Just when I start feeling sorry for myself God brings them back into my focus and surrounds me with Love.

 

From the beginning of time, my Bible shows that the heart aches of Life happen to each of us.   The Sun rises and sets each day only to have a new one begin the next morning and I know without a doubt that God is in Complete Control of all things and has a purpose and perfect plan for my life. Walterene

 

 

Expressing One's Condolences - Grief Guide Ministries

 

I have learned by experience that it is not a good thing to tell anyone in grief or going through any trial in life to say, "I understand exactly how you feel." The truth of the matter is that you and I really don't know how any other person feels about anything. We may think we do, but, one's feelings are his or her own, and each person is different. That difference is expressed by age, maturity, sex, temperament, and experiences in life. Most of us tend to guard or hide our feelings because of previous embarrassment when we expressed a feeling as a child or youth, and were chastised or condemned by our elders for expressing a feeling. So, we experienced the feeling of shame for having shared any feeling that others thought was unacceptable. We must remember that feelings are God-given, and are not wrong. The way we deal with them determines their meaning. Anger, for example, is not a primary emotion. You have to get beneath the anger to find out the cause for it. Anger usually happens when we are disappointed, hurt, attacked verbally, and no one seems to listen or pick up why we are offended. To express a deeper hidden feeling we often will express anger either consciously or unconsciously. To say, "I know how you feel," cuts off the flow of sharing one's personal feelings. It is far better to say, "I do not understand how you feel, but I would like to understand. If you would like to tell me about it, I am ready to hear it." That kind of response tends to put at ease the other person, and if they are so inclined and would like to trust you with his or her feelings, you give him or her permission to tell you. That response frees up the other person to tell you what they may want to share with you. Most of us share bits and pieces. So, it is like peeling an onion. We do it one layer at a time. That takes love and patience A key to healthy relationships is to give another person space as well as freedom to tell you whatever they would like to tell you. Never get in anyone's face, pry, or probe. Be willing to allow the chemistry of the moment to facilitate the flow of feelings. If it doesn't happen, at least you have stood with that person in silence and love and showed that you really care. Silence is golden and often will produce a powerful moment of truth that can be revealing without shame. Most of us want other people to love us, regardless of what we have experienced. Fanny Crosby in her beautiful hymn entitled, "Rescue the Perishing," wrote this third stanza of that great song which expresses so clearly what I am trying to tell you today: Down in the human heart, crushed by the tempter, Feelings lie buried that grace can restore; Touched by a loving heart, wakened by kindness, Chords that were broken will vibrate once more. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. NIV A friend in all seasons, Hugh Holmes Morgan The Reverend Dr. Hugh H. Morgan Director of Chaplains Ministries, IPHC Vice Chairman, NAE Commission on Chaplains CEO, Founder, President, Editor of Hugh's News & Commentary President, Hugh Holmes Morgan Education Scholarship Fund, Inc. Pastor Emeritus, Christian Life Worship Center (formerly Tarkenton Memorial Church in Athens, GA) 17 Sweet Apple Lane Winder, GA 30680 Tel. (770) 725-1757 Fax: (770) 725-2707 E-mail: [email protected] Website: http://www.chaplains.iphc.org

Question about Grieving - Grief Guide Ministries

FAQ: When Am I Going to Be Able to Stop Grieving and Start Feeling Better?

---

 Martha Clark Scala

 

She has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1992, with offices in Palo Alto and San Francisco, California. She regularly writes about grief and loss, the necessity of self-care, and substance abuse. Her e-newsletter, "Out on a Limb," is available to subscribers through her website.

It depends. There are a number of factors that might contribute to how long it takes to feel better again. The most common include:

*The quality of your relationship with the deceased.

*The amount of personal or vicarious trauma associated with the loss.

*The extent of unresolved issues in your relationship with the person who died.

*Your role in dealing with the aftermath of the death.

*Your willingness to address your grief rather than avoid it.

Bear in mind that bereavement is a process. Acute grief may last quite a while, and that's normal. More often than not, those who try to force themselves to "get over it" quickly are unsuccessful. Try to avoid this unrealistic expectation by being as patient and gentle with yourself as possible.

You may start to feel better in three months, but don't be surprised if you're still miserable, at least some of the time, several months to several years after your loss. The average length of time it takes most people to consistently feel better is about a year. However, it's also common to feel better for a while and then take a turn for the worse. That can be triggered by events such as special holidays or occasions that have a particular association with the person you've lost, especially the anniversary of his or her death.

A relapse of acute grief can also occur somewhat out of the blue. For example, on any random day you may find out about someone who is battling the exact same cancer your loved one had -- and this might trigger your feelings of intense grief all over again.

Finally, some people never really feel better. As they attempt to adjust to life without the person they've lost, they find it virtually impossible to derive joy again. Sometimes this takes the form of clinical depression, which can be treated with medication or psychotherapy that may mitigate the intensity of grief symptoms. For some, the inability to reengage in life results in suicidal feelings or attempts. I mention these possibilities not to scare you but to underscore the value of getting help if you need it.

Many forms of help are available. Sharing your emotional pain will likely help you process it and also help you recover from the disabling parts of grieving. If you're fortunate enough to have supportive friends, family, or community to turn to, take advantage of that. If not, or if you'd prefer to speak with someone outside your circle of support or trust, consider pastoral or mental health counseling or a grief support group to help you work through the myriad feelings that you're experiencing.

For the type of person who just doesn't feel like talking about feelings at all, the two most reliable activities are vigorous exercise and creative expression. When spirits are low, it can be very hard to find the motivation to take on either of these activities, but the payoff is worth it. It's usually best to start with something that you've already done, so you're less likely to resist the activity. For example, if you're already a knitter, consider knitting a memorial scarf or hat. If you're a runner, you may want to commit to three runs per week. A knitter will have a harder time getting started with painting, and a runner will be less likely to launch a rowing campaign -- at least at the beginning.

However, you may also find that new activities beckon. Many grievers are drawn to gardening for the first time, for example. Notice which activities hold your interest even if you're experiencing poor attention span, a classic symptom of grief. It's entirely possible that these whispers of interest are pointing you toward activities that will help you heal.

The tricky task here is to engage actively in your recovery process while simultaneously trying not to force a speedy recuperation. There's no blueprint that fits every griever. Make yourself the architect of your new life and start drawing up plans -- even if you feel you haven't the energy to do so.

Almost a Year...... Grief Guide Ministries

 

By: 

Walterene Jones

 

 

In a few days it will have been a year since my best friend and husband and I had our last conversation, last embrace and last “I Love You” before he aspirated and was taken into ICU and then the Lord took him home.

 

While I don’t cry myself to sleep every night now and don’t feel like a sharp burning sword has cut my whole heart out, and it is getting easier to make it through the days, I still miss him so much.  I still will turn over during the night and reach over only to awaken and know he is not there or to have something wonderful happen to me and it will flash through my mind, I can’t wait to get home to share it with Steve, then I’ll remember he is not there.

 

This past year has been almost indescribable.  God has showered me with his love, mercy, grace and provisions.   Through each trial and hard time, he has provided for me and brought me through.  He has been faithful each step of the way. 

 

This morning I opened my email Word of the Day I receive and found this awesome word waiting for me…..

 

My comfort is your comfort. Sometimes the comforts of the world seem to satisfy. But in the end, nothing satisfies like Me. I designed and fashioned you. No one knows you like Me. And I have placed a hole in your heart that only I can fill. You have the choice of filling it with Me or with the substitutes the world has to offer. Your heart or hearts tells you that only I can fully comfort you. Isn’t that exciting? Yes, fall to your knees and thank Me for all I have done for you. Ask Me for the things you need. My promises to you are forever. No one can break them. My comfort is your comfort.
Psalms 119:77 “Now comfort me so I can live, really live; your revelation is the tune I dance to.”   Ras Robinson

 

God's Promises are True - Grief Guide Ministries

 

 

By:  Walterene Jones

 

Seven months have passed since I lost my husband and best friend.  As I look back, God has been so awesome to me.  I truly am blessed beyond human comprehension. The people that God put in my life, my Pastors, my church family, friends and my neighbors are so amazing.  No one can ever tell me that there are no good people left in the world anymore because of the outpouring of love that has been shown to me.

 

During the past seven months, God has held true to his Word that he would provide and take care of me and supply my needs.  I didn’t think I could make it, but I’ve made it through Birthdays, Anniversary, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, car trouble, home repairs and a major Hurricane named Ike.  During the storm as I lay in bed trying to sleep but found myself listening to the winds roar outside I prayed “Lord please protect my home and belongings, I just don’t think I could go through another loss right now.”  Then the Lord showed me an enormous Angel with its wings all spread out and laying across the roof of my home.  When I was finally able to go back home to look around, I saw that a piece of siding at the top under the awning had come off leaving the attic open.  Upon walking through my house, I found the wood that covers the portal from the inside of the house into the attic had been sucked out of the hole.  I knew the winds had gotten up in my attic, but not even one shingle was missing.  God had taken care of my home and belongings. 

 

This week I received word that a long time friend passed away.  The last time I saw her was at my husband’s Homegoing Celebration.  She was so frail and weak and you could see that Cancer was taking its toll on her, but she was standing strong and believing God.  The day of her viewing, I mentally tried to prepare myself to go, but as the time grew closer I found myself crumbling.  Once again, my grief overwhelmed me.  I kept telling myself, this wasn’t about me, but it was in memory and honor of my friend Doris, but the hurt was so real.  I found myself mentally reliving losing my husband again.  I was seeing my husband laying in ICU on Life Support and watching him code and the Dr. telling me he was gone.

 

I know that both my husband and my friend suffered with illness in their bodies for so long and now are laughing, singing, shouting and dancing on the streets of gold with no pain, no illness and no more suffering.

 

God I believe you to be true to your Word and you have been, but the hurt is still so real and the emptiness is so great.  This time of the year is especially hard because he loved Fall so much and always got excited when it arrived.  He couldn’t wait until the first real cool snap blew in and was ready to light a fire in the chiminea outside and sit on the swing with a cup of hot cocoa.  He loved to take drives to see leaves changing colors, the few we have here in

Texas

. 

 

I miss him so much and I am waiting Lord for that morning when I will wake up and know first hand that “…Joy cometh in the morning.”

 

 

Anger? Not Me! - Grief Guide Ministries

 

By:  Walterene Jones

 

 

It has been almost six months since my husband went to be with the Lord and this week has been a tough one.  First, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items and ran into an old friend that I haven’t seen in many years.  The first thing she said was “How is your family, how is Bro. Steve”?  I held it together and told her that he had passed away.  The look on her face is unforgettable.  She started saying over and over how sorry she was, that she didn’t know, she was so sorry she didn’t even know he was sick.  I continued to check out my groceries and I could hear her in the next check out line still saying, I’m so sorry Walterene, you all were so close, it must be so hard.  I could hardly stand there and rushed out as soon as I paid for my things.  I know this is going to happen, and that people are shocked because so many people loved him, but they don’t understand that a simple, I’m so sorry is sufficient and how going on and on hurts me so much and is so hard to handle. 

 

Over the past few months I have read many times since my husband passed away about the different stages of Grief, and I always saw “Anger” as one listed.  I remembered as a child how I overheard my Aunt saying how angry she was with my Uncle for dying and leaving her with 4 small children to raise alone.  I thought to myself as I read it, I knew how sick Steve was, I lived it day-by-day along with him.  I will not ever go through that that stage, there is no reason for me to.  You guessed it.  A few mornings ago, I was on my way to work and was thinking about all the things I needed to accomplish and all of a sudden like a rush of wind, I started feeling Angry.  I started saying, “You knew there were things wrong with the car and you knew the things that needed to be fixed around the house, how could you leave me holding the bag like this?”  Tears began to pour down my face as overwhelming guilt took over and I found myself apologizing and saying, “I’m so sorry, I know how sick you were, I watched your strength disappear and you waste away loosing over 100 lbs.  I know you couldn’t fix all the things and take care of everything, but why didn’t you tell me how to do it all?”

 

While some things are getting a little easier and I am adjusting, I still miss him so much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who Am I - Grief Guide Ministries

By:  Walterene Jones

 

I don’t remember a time that I have never not known who I was.  Even while Steve was in the hospital and then in ICU for all those weeks before his passing, it seemed like all the nurses and staff knew who I was and would greet me and call me by name as I walked through the door each day.  Recently, I found myself in an awkward situation sitting at my Dr’s Office filling out the new patient forms.  I came to the section where it asks my status and I was to check a box for Married, Separated, Divorced or Single.  I sat there looking at each option and thinking to myself, “I am not Divorced, I am Separated until my time comes to go be with the Lord and Steve, Legally and Biblically I am not married, but I don’t consider myself Single either.  So Who Am I“? 

 

After loosing Steve I found myself struggling with trying to “Find Myself” again as they used to say in the 1960’s.  I am a widow, but in my mind and heart I am not single but still Mrs. Stephen Jones.  It took me a few months after his passing that I finally did remove my wedding ring, but after being Mrs. Stephen Jones over 30 years my hand still feels naked and bare and vulnerable. 

 

My search through the past few months has taken me down many roads, some familiar, but most are new and uncharted roads that I don’t know what lies ahead.  Will the road  be smooth traveling or a bumpy ride?  God has directed my uncertain paths over and over and been Faithful to me.  I have learned that there is no road map for widowhood except God’s Word, his Grace, his Mercy and his Love. 

 

Helen Steiner Rice a famous poet wrote the Poem That Souls May Grow and it says, “May you find comfort in the thought that sorrow, grief and woe are sent into our lives sometimes to help our souls to grow…   For through the depths of sorrow comes understanding love, And peace and truth and comfort sent from God above.”

 

The Lord provided me with the perfect CD of praise music at the time in my life that I felt so empty and useless and not knowing who I was and not knowing what to do with myself.  I put the CD in the player and played it for the first time in my car, the first song started to play and I almost had to pull over on the side of the road because it touched me and spoke directly to me and to my heart.  It was confirmation from God himself giving me answers because it was if the writer of the song was singing about me and my life.  Since then, I have adopted the song as My Theme Song and Testimony and I play it over and over to help me keep my focus.  I’d like to share the words with you and I hope it blesses you too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Have a Hope

By:  Tommy Walker

 

I have a hope, I have a future

I have a destiny that is yet awaiting me

My life’s not over, a new beginning’s just begun

I have a hope, I have this hope.

 

God has a plan, it’s not to harm me

But it’s to prosper me and to hear me when I call.

He intercedes for me, working all things for my good

Though trials may come I have this hope.

 

Chorus

I will yet praise Him, my great Redeemer

I will yet stand up and give Him glory with my life

He takes my darkness and He turns it into light

I will yet praise Him, my Lord my God.

 

My God is for me, He’s not against me

So tell me whom then, tell me whom then shall I fear

He has prepared for me

Great works He’ll help me to complete

I have a hope, I have this hope.

 

Goodness and mercy, they’re gonna follow me

And I’ll forever dwell in the house of my great King

No eye has ever seen all He’s preparing there for me

Though trials may come, I have this hope

 

Bridge

 

There’s still hope for me today

Cause the God in heaven love me.

 

Time Heals All Wounds - Grief Guide Ministries

By:  Walterene Jones

 

 

Many have spoken the quote over and over to me “Time Heals All Wounds” in the past 5-1/2 months since my husband passed away.  While the emotional meltdowns are fewer in number, still the empty hole in my heart remains.  The feelings of loneliness and missing him so much I don’t know what to do with myself at times is still very real.  The pain rears it ugly head each time I come across our Wedding picture or something that brings back one of the wonderful memories of our lives together and I know it will never happen again because he has gone to be with the Lord.  The tears still flow but I realize now that I’m not crying for him, he is whole, healthy, happy and dancing around heaven, but they are tears for myself.  The tears I shed are because I miss him, I miss the times we spent together, I miss having him to share my heart with, to give me answers to life when I don’t know what to do, someone just to sit next to and hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be ok.  

 

I find myself shedding less tears, but having to fix my gaze more on Jesus and fill my world with His Word and Music of Praise.  With each new day, I’ve also finally realized in my mind and heart is a new day God has given me to grow, learn and personally experience my Abba Father.  So just as a baby learning to walk, I must learn to take one step at a time.  To try to step out of my routine box and experience God’s greatness to the fullest.  Each day is my very own New Dawn of Opportunity God is giving to me to embrace and experience. 

 

God has shown himself Faithful over and over day by day to me, just like he promised.  He has provided in every way for me and surrounded me with a Godly network of Church Family that is there to go each step of the way with me.  I don’t understand why God chose to take my husband home at this time in my life, but I’m learning that my life is not over, a new one is just beginning and that he has a perfect plan for my life already prepared for me.  I do have a hope, and that hope is in Jesus Christ.

Words of Wisdom to Ponder Today - Grief Guide Ministries

Having experienced this loss, and the waves of grief that attack the soul relentlessly - what can you say you have learned in wisdom.  Someone once said this statement that I leave with you today........

We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.

Marcel Proust

Have you taken time today to be still and allow Father God to hold you closely and deeply in His Arms. His wisdom is abundant and His Comfort complete in your sorrow.

He said...

Come to Me all ye who labor and are heavy laden .... and I will give you rest.