The first time I saw my husband I was 15 years old. I was people watching and was captured by how sweetly he guided his girlfriend around. I remember thinking, I need to get a boyfriend like that! Two years later, we met at a party and quickly became best friends.I came to admire him as a leader, loyal friend, and confidant. Six months after that we were married and expecting the first of our three daughters. Talk about a whirlwind romance.
As we grew up we encountered many of life's situations, and for my husband , he was just happy to have survived each crisis . I on the other hand was left wanting more for my life. Survivor was just not enough for me. I needed a purpose or reason for the events in my life. Through the very worst time in my life I found what I was looking for in Jesus Christ. My heart and mind finally started to heal. That word survivor which bothered me so much, turned to victor- for victory. That was a word I could live with.
I enjoyed my newfound Christianity. I started learning all I could. Then I found service. It was truly what I was lacking. A purpose for my life. I got involved in my church. My children also became involved. God and church became our new love. We made friends and really began to blossom. As my family began to heal, I noticed my marriage began to suffer,The new man in my life (Jesus Christ) left the old man (my husband) very angry, lonely and left behind.
We argued about everything from me joining a cult, to tithing -and then came the silence. The silence grew wide between us and our lives became separate. I prayed for my husband to be saved. I desperately wanted to have him beside me, but after years of disappointment, I just gave up. Then I found these verses
Who can find a virtuous wife, for her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and no evil all the days of her life
PROVERBS 31:10-12
Let no one seek his own, but each one the others well being 1 CORINTHIANS 10:24
There is hope in your future JEREMIAH 31:17
These weighed on me like a ton of bricks. They made me realize I was the one who left. I was the one who changed all the rules. The time had come for me to slow down and decide which kind of wife I would share with my husband. The too busy, I found someone new, dinner is in the oven wife or the Christlike wife who was mourning that empty seat beside her- to finally be filled.God has to change me first, long before he can touch my husbands heart.. .Remember we have the awesome benefit of knowing we are never alone, while our spouse remains completely deserted. Here is a prayer I found .... join me and make this your new first steptwards your spouses salvation.
Dear Lord help me to be a good wife. I don't have what it takes to to be a good one without you.Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn it into kindness, long suffering, and the willingness to bear all. Give me a new heart and work in me your love peace and joy.. Teach me how to pray for my husband and make my prayers a true language of love. Where love has died, create a new love between us. Bring unity between us so we can be in agreement about everything. Make us a team not pursuing separate or independent lives. May we be perfectly joined in the same mind and judgment.May there be no thoughts of divorce or infidelity in our hearts, and none in our future. Set us free from past hurts, memories, and unrealistic expectations of one another. I pray that my spouse will be so committed to you that his commitment to me will not waiver, no matter what storms may come. Enable him to be the head of the home as you created him to be, and show me how to respect him as he rises to his place of leadership. Give my husband a new wife and let it be me. Amen.
Comments