Does divorce cause lasting damage?

Wednesday, June 24, 1998 Published at 12:58 GMT 13:58 UK This article was released by the BBC  New Online in 1998, and it is STILL worth reading and learning from.  Children suffer the most effects from divorce.  Remember they don't have the issues that mom or dad does with their mate.  They simply love their parents.  So divorce rips their lives literally apart. In this day and age when life supports are so fragile for a child anyway, a woman should deeply consider marriage counseling BEFORE she consults a lawyer.  Considering the needs of her child before her own, must to be done.  Read this....... "Divorce absolutely causes trauma. For the younger the child is the easier they will ultimately be able to endure it. If a child sees their parents divorce when the child is very young, they aren't harmed as much as say, if the children are in their teenage years. During the pivotal teenage years, the time when a youth solidifies their beliefs about the roles of parents, marriage, relationships, etc.. in their more adult manner, the confidence in the institution of Marriage, parenting, etc can be seriously harmed by a divorce occuring at this time. Negative side of parents getting divorced when a child is young, is that the child most likely will not see the full richness of a "complete" family life as they would have if they grew up in a two parent household. Visitation rights simply isn't a adequate substitute in comparison to a "complete" family unit. Greatest damage is in the belief and effort related to the concept of marriage itself. People who had grown up in fractured families, seem to grow up with a greater likelihood of getting a divorce themselves. Or perhaps not commit to marriage in the first place. If a child grew up in a broken home, how would they know later on when they themselves may get married or be married, know the difference between a "decent" and "good" yet occasionally troubled relationship or marriage versus one which is beyond saving? How would, for example, a daughter who later in adult life, know how her husband and father of her kids, "should" behave as a good father and husband, versus a man who is a bad father and bad husband when she didn't have a father figure in her youth in the first place? Or vice versa in the case of the male child being aware of how he should be as a father or husband when he grows up if he didn't have one in his youth? For those who grow up in healthy family units, they have a unparalleled advantages in regards to their future lives as spouses and parents themselves compared to those who grew up in fractured families. Some families or marriages can't be saved, and subsequently divorce is a good thing for those. But for many, it seems that the qustion of "priority" is confused in relationships. People obsessed with their work or themselves, rather than paying due attention and effort to creating a good family environment and a healthy marriage life, tend to be those who create succeeding generations of those facing the very same problems of priority and concern. People are too fast to divorce in this generation, and too fast to get married as well. Greater concern and attention is needed to avoid divorce and avoid the creation of broken families. There are no winners in divorce and no winners in the unhealthy family environment which spawned the divorce. Only are varying degrees of damage, loss and grief". Steve Kenney,  USA