Life presents us with daily challenges that can strain our strength from outside forces. But when marital challenges face us, it drains our strength from within. Looking for ways to cope with the stress either brings about another layer of trouble or renewed focus and understanding.
Think for a moment about an trip taken by flight. Airplane turbulence from outside is bumpy and scary. The weather outside the plane can bring about disorder and demands focus from everyone riding inside. Often it brings nervious thoughts to the travelers riding that bumpy flight.
But turbulence from within the plane between pilots or between pilots and the crew or control tower is no less risky. Or the thoughtless actions of a ground crew that did not properly prepare the plane to fly safely. This social weather can cause serious mistakes to be made, bringing down the plane from man’s failure to rule the situation with wisdom.
So it is with marriage. Outside forces can bring turbulence to each marriage, but it's the inside forces that can cause it to collapse. What is the solution for these inner issues?
Question: would you be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either of you in the marriage is suggesting?
There are two types of basic solutions:
Win – lose
Win – win.
The type of solution called win – lose brings consequences that will be lasting and makes withdrawals from each person's emotional bank each time it happens. It can create these platforms for either the husband or the wife to stand on.
1 I am a martyr – go ahead and step on me
2 I resent what you are doing and will become more stubborn as time passes.
Win – lose is about ‘who’ is right not ‘what’ is right.
Win – win consequences will be lasting and will create emotional deposits into both banks each time. It is the only solid foundation for effective family interaction.
It says, what is important to you must be just as important to me.
Changing from ‘me’ to ‘we’ will change your entire lifestyle. No longer just focusing on your own schedule, your own priorities. You have to sacrifice, You have to think about others about meeting their needs about what makes them happy. Think up a solution that causes BOTH of you to win.
Lev. 19:18 ……’Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself’.
Have you read the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families? It's author Stephen Covey covers this subject in depth. Invest in this book - your knowledge and relationship skills will increase 100 fold!
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