Written By: Deborah R.
In helping refocus my most vulnerable times, my pastor and I decided that I would start going to a class that she taught on Tuesday nights. This is a class that helps people get over their hurts, habits and hang-ups of life. Man-O-Man, I was hung-up! I struggled with my pride in going to class because no matter what happened in life, I managed to get through it. But somehow, this class was different. Some of the things I heard made so much sense. You know…common sense. It wasn’t a class where someone stood up and said there name and begin to confess what a scoundrel they were. We would listen for and hour to instructions and then try to live out what was being taught. Many nights I didn’t want to go to class because it would hurt too much. But I knew if I didn’t, I would get a phone call asking me where I was and I dreaded that call more than the pain!
My feet were being held to the fire. Little did I know that ‘this fire’ would purify my mind and set in motion a ministry that God had waiting all along. Even through the pain? 1 Peter 1:6-7, Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise an honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ. The class is Celebrate Recovery. It’s not just for alcohol or drugs addictions…it is for the hurting, the heartbroken, and the abandoned, the one down trodden by life…it was for me!
I was learning and gaining ground however slow it was it was small progress forward. I began to struggle with loneliness. I can’t explain to you how many times I felt lonely. In the midst of the most awesome church services, the loneliness would creep in. I still spent untold days and hours seeing the ‘togetherness’ of other couples and it would send me in and out of an emotional dark place time and time again. I longed for what I was missing. I didn’t necessarily miss my ex-husband but I missed the relationship. I missed the touch of someone, a simple kiss that said I love you without saying a word. I missed being held. I missed the intimacy of a marriage, I missed holding hands. At times, my longing would feel like a blade going right through my being. I would go places and all I could see were couples. The way they looked at each other. I would see them talking to each other, holding hands. I would see the simple glances from one to another from across the room and know what they were thinking. Not one of them knew what I was thinking. It didn’t matter if it was family, friends, at church or just at the grocery store. All I could see was that they had someone and I didn’t. Even being with friends, I felt as though I was on the outside…the one who was alone.
During this time, I was asked to team teach this Celebrate Recovery class. My first thought was, I’m not worthy enough. I’ve been through some ugly things and I don’t feel qualified to teach this…I’m still living it. Duh!!! Who is suppose teach a class on hurts, habits and hang-ups? The person who has had the perfect life with no struggles? I don’t think so. Have I conquered all of my shortcomings? No, but I now understanding that me and the Lord will be working on me until the day He returns or the day I go to him.
Jeremiah 29:9 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to bring you to an expected end.” Romans 8:28 – “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” These two scriptures are very powerful in setting your mind straight about all the junk we go through in life. The Lord knows what he is thinking about me, where he wants me to be and how he wants to get me there. Most of the time, it’s not the easiest route. Don’t forget the last part of that scripture…”to bring you to an expected end!” Whew…thank goodness. He says there is an end but I can’t see it right now. I believe the Word of God is true so there must be an end in sight. But my vision is clouded by the circumstances of life….”All things work together for good of them that love God.” It all has worked into His plan. I started attending that class more than eight years ago and now; I’ve been teaching the class for eight years. Do I feel qualified to teach this class now? No. There is nothing good in me. Everything that is good in my life is because of who Jesus Christ is and what He has done in my life. Am I qualified…I’m still living it; however, I can now proclaim that God will bring you through what ever situation you’re in. No matter what you’re feeling right now. It IS going to work for your good down the road.
Take heart my friends and celebrate the victories, celebrate the defeats, celebrate life and Celebrate the Recovery of you life! This end is only the beginning of a new road that the Lord is leading you down. Let go of the reigns and hold to His hand and He will lead you on. Let go and Let God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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