Written By: Walterene J.
Life is wonderful. You have a great family, a hard working husband that frequently buys you gifts and flowers and loves you and you have two beautiful children. It appears to everyone that you are living the perfect life. You are a stay at home Mom and you don’t have to work, you even appear to be somewhat of a snob because you are a very quiet woman, no one ever gets more than a slight smile and a quick wave, you don’t say much or get involved with anyone or take part in any of the neighborhood events, it is so obvious to all the other mothers and neighbors that your husband spoils you rotten and treats you like a queen and you think you are better than all of them.
If they only knew the truth! If they really knew what your fairy tale life was truly like. All day, you stay in the house and don’t get involved with any of the other moms because you know the telephone could ring at any moment and you HAD BETTER be there to answer it and by the second ring. You fairy tale Prince Charming calls you numerous times during the day making sure you are there where you are supposed to be and no one is there with you. He plans your weekly chores list and tells you when you can go to the grocery store, what you will buy, how much you will spend and even how long you can be gone from the house. He know precisely how long it takes you to get to the school to pick up your children and drive straight home and get into the house.
You look inseparable on the weekends because you do everything together. You are both always working out in the yard together, washing the car together, working in the flower beds together and even playing ball with the children together. Everything is always Happy and smiling and having such a great time….One Big Happy Family.
When you do get to go shopping, he makes sure to always be there beside you and he picks out what you can have, what he wants you to wear and how much it will cost.
On the few occasions you get to go out to a restaurant, he orders for you and then makes jokes to the waiter or waitress that you need to lose a few pounds and he is helping you all the while he is watching and flirting with all the other women in the restaurant.
The ride all the way home is torture because he continuously tells you how fat and ugly you are and how he wishes you looked like Tiffany the head cheerleader that was in high school. He keeps asking why he married you and then throws it in your face, “Oh yeah, you got yourself pregnant and I had no choice”. He then tells you he can’t wait until you die so he can find himself a decent woman.
You finally arrive home, he orders the children to bed immediately, grabs you tightly by the arm and when you wince from the pain he is causing, he grabs you by the hair and drags you into the bedroom and begins his painful ordeal of forcing you to do whatever he wants. Sex in your life is not a beautiful experience of a husband and wife sharing your love for one another, but rather painful rape.
Afterwards, you get up to head to the bathroom for a shower and he grabs you by the hair and slaps you across the face and calls you a horrible name. When you start to cry he slaps you again this time hard enough to knock you down, but before you can get up he kicks you.
You are finally able to make it to the bathroom to get in the shower and the whole time you are in there you hope and pray with all your heart he is asleep when you get out. Your prayer is answered, he is sound asleep. You take a couple of Tylenol for the pain from your beating get into bed and finally are able to drift off to sleep too.
The next morning, he wakes up to tell you how sorry he is, that he Loves you with All His Heart and that he will never do it again. He still calls you numerous times during the day to check on your to make sure you are there and when he gets home that night, he has a big giant bouquet of beautiful flowers that all the neighbors see.
Everything is ok you think, he is happy and he is really sorry for being mean to you and maybe he really does mean it this time. After all, maybe you really did something to make him angry or set him off because he really is a good man, he works hard, takes good care of you and the children, you don’t have to do without anything. You have a big beautiful house with extra nice furnishings, You and your children have nice clothes. It must be just you that pushes the wrong buttons and sets him off when the bad days happen. Isn’t this just married life? After all, your Dad used to hit your mother. This is just the way it is. Right?
Wrong! Accepting it, Living with it will NEVER stop it because no matter how sorry he is the next morning, he CAN”T stop it.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND whatever you choose to call it…. Abuse, Domestic Violence, Mental and Physical Assault are all Illegal and All are wrong. It is NOT your fault, You are NOT causing it and You Do Not Have to Continue to live with it. Do you want your children to grow up into adults and either be abused or become abusers?
There is hope and help for you and your children. It is as near as your telephone.
Call the U.S A. National Family Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE and get help TODAY.
If in the U.K. here is the 24 hour freephone to call 0808 2000 247
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