Role Models of America

I Don't Want to Raise Successful Children

Lysa TerKeurst

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

I don't want to raise successful children. That's a shocking thing to read, and a shocking thing for a mother to type. So, let me clarify.

I used to define success according to my child's report card. Good grades and academic achievement would surely equal a good child with great potential in this world. But then several of my children wound up being average students with average grades. Though we carted them off to tutors and spent many a late night at the kitchen table helping them, they remained average. And I remained concerned and frustrated.

One report card day I found myself facedown in the fibers of my carpet crying and wondering, "Where have I gone wrong as a mom?"

I dug into Scriptures. I begged God for wisdom and discernment. I prayed for God's perspective with each of my kids. Finally, one day it dawned on me - what if I simply chose to embrace the natural bent of each of my kids as God's way to protect them and keep them on the path toward His best plans for their lives?

What if my A student needs academic success to prepare her for God's plans while my average to below-average student needs to be steered away from a more academic future? What if my sports star kid needs that athletic excellence for his future assignments by God, but my benchwarmer kid is being protected from getting off course by her lack in this area?

And that's when it finally dawned on me. My job isn't to push success for my kids. My job as a parent is to recognize the unique way God created each child and point them to Jesus at every turn along their journey toward adulthood. Yes, I wan t my kids to learn and thrive and grow up educated, but it's not a flaw in me or them if they don't have straight A report cards and trophy cases full of sports medals.

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (NIV).

I am challenged to ponder these words, "… in the way he should go." Are we training our kids that the "way he should go" is to chase worldly achievement or to chase God? Whatever they learn to chase as a child, they will chase as adults. Therefore, we must be challenged to honestly assess the way we are pointing them to go.

My daughter, Hope, is one of my average students. She has also warmed many a bench in the sports she's tried, and can always be found hiding on the back row of the stage during school concerts. Using the world's benchmarks for achievement, Hope wouldn't be seen as a child positioned for success. But God…

This past January, my 15 year old Hope, shocked me when she announced she wanted to go to Ethiopia with some missionary friends of ours and live in the remote African bush for the summer. Yes, she may not have trophies and straight A report cards but she does have a heart of gold. And because she's not entrenched in sports and academic pursuits that could have created obligations for her summer, she was free to go to Africa. Free to chase God in a really big way.

One of the first e-mails she sent me from Ethiopia read, "Mom, I've fallen in love with the AIDS orphanage children. They rushed at me when I held my arms out and I tried with all my might to hold all 30 of them at once. I love it here."

Now, don't get me wrong. I do expect Hope to return to her studies this fall, give 100% effort, and finish her high school career having done her very best. She will most likely then go to college. But she probably won't be delivering the valedictorian address or wearing the honors cords and medals. She'll be the one with a vision of a dying AIDS orphan pressing against her heart ready to chase God's plans to the ends of the earth.

So back to my original statement, I don't want to raise successful children. It's true, I don't. Though Hope's sister coming behind her is an A student and can always be found on the front row of school performances - we don't chase after success for her either. I trust God that she needs those things in her life for the plans He's unfolding in her life. We train with that bent in mind. But, we don't chase it. Just like Hope, we point her in the direction of God at every turn and pray like crazy.

I stand by what I said and I'll say it again, I don't want to raise successful children. Because--- raising God-honoring adults who will set the world on fire for Christ is just so much more rewarding.

Dear Lord, being a mom is a really tough job. Please help me, teach me and show me how to define success for my kids. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

 

Let the Doves Fly...

 

I remember when I lived at home and what the rules where.  You obeyed the “house rules” or else…!  There were repercussions if we didn’t follow them.  There was none of this, “well next time you better,” “I’ll let this slide this time,” or “I know you’re just trying to expand your wings.”  Everything was in black and white and there definitely wasn’t any gray around except the way you felt after punishment!

 

What has happened to respect that people had for each other, for who they are and just for the fact that they are further along in years?  What happened to table manners, napkins in your lap, no elbows on the table and chewing with your mouth closed?  Yes sir, yes ‘ma'am?  What has happened to the manners that were used when you meet someone or the manners you should have in a conversation especially if you have mixed company?

 

I am truly amazed at how people act toward one another and I am flabbergasted by the way youth and young adults act. When I correct my daughter in her actions or in her talk, sometimes  this reply comes back, “Mom, they don’t do things that way anymore.  That was in 1908.”  My reply to her is, “This is not 1908 and just because ‘they’ don’t do things that way doesn’t meant that they are right.” 

 

The  Bible talks about a way for a man that seems right.  In Matthew chapter 7, we find that we are to enter in at the straight gate because wide is the gate and broad is the path that leads to destruction.  There is a narrow way that leads to life and that only a few find it. 

 

Today youth are bombarded by what is cool or what the new ‘thing’ is.  It’s hard for them to make decisions when they are pulled in so many ways.  As parents and as mentors we have something they don’t…hind sight.  We can look back and realize we shouldn’t have done this or done that and no matter how we try to explain it and teach it to them; they still will have to bump their own noses and bruise their own knees.  As parents, it’s very difficult to let them have the freedom to fly and experience life. 

 

Think about the little grey soft doves – they are interesting birds.  They have many applications and implications.  Doves come in many different sizes and are many different colors.  They are wild birds, pets, sacrifices and at times food.  A baby dove has the unique advantage of having both the male and female care for it.  Both the male and female take turns keeping the baby dove warm and feeding it.  Both the male and female secrete what is termed as ‘crop milk’ which is a highly nutritious substance to feed to the young.  After 7 to 28 days, the baby dove flies from the nest to start its own voyage of life.

 

We, just like doves, care for our young providing what we believe is the best for them in hopes that when that day comes they’ll ‘fly’ into life with a good solid faith in who they are and whose they are.  Hoping and praying that the Holy Spirit in which they were raised with will rise up within their very souls and turn them to the narrow gate that leads to life.  Trusting and having complete faith in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  God’s word will not return void and it will accomplish what He has sent it to do!  Take heart and let the doves fly....

Deborah R.