My name is Carla Wade, and I am a wife to Wayne, Mother to Kris (21), Kari(13) and Caleb(9). I am also a full time Realtor in partnership with my husband running a very active Real Estate business. Most importantly, I am a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I have been redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ to whom I give all of the glory for the story you are about to read.
It is now March of 2008. This month I celebrated my 49th birthday, my 14th wedding anniversary, my daughter's 13th birthday, and on March 19th completed my final treatment for breast cancer. This journey began almost a year ago. Here is my story.....
I turned 48 in March of 2007. Other than being on blood pressure medication and carrying about an extra 20 pounds, I thought I was in great health. Then on Thursday May the 24th everything changed in an instant. I was in my OB/Gyn doctors office for the annual well women's exam, and in the middle of advising me to start the South Beach diet to lose those 20 pound and telling me that next year he wanted me to start annual colonoscopy’s he calmly told me he noticed a small "thickness" in my left breast in the 2:00 position. My heart seemed to stop and everything since then has been surreal. He said it didn't feel like breast cancer and seemed pretty small but wanted me to have a mammogram and an ultrasound at the Victory Breast Diagnostic Center right away and come back to see him for a follow up.
I called immediately and set the mammogram and ultrasound up for the very next day, Friday May 25th. Dr. Susan Gaskill impressed me immediately. I saw why Dr. Korman spoke so highly of her and her center. She did the mammogram and absolutely NOTHING showed up, so I was feeling pretty calm. Then they did the ultrasound and a small dark shadow about the size of a grape showed up. Again, she said it didn't look or feel like cancer, but again, "just to be on the safe side" she set me up for a core needle biopsy. Since it was the day before Memorial Weekend, they scheduled me for Tues May 28th. I then spent the longest weekend of my life traveling to Killeen with my husband and two youngest children to attend my nephew’s high school graduation. I didn't want to worry my parents, or brother and sister-in-law, and didn't want to take away from the happiness of the occasion so I decided to wait until after we got the results the following week to tell of the worry, after we presumably would get a good report.
I went in on Tuesday and the needle biopsy went well. While waiting for the valium to take effect I picked up a brochure in the waiting room and learned that 80% of all needle biopsy's came out negative. I learned that non-invasive ductile carcinoma was a better cancer to have than invasive lobular carcinoma, made a mental note of that and was glad that I would be in the 80%.
I spent the next few days not knowing that Friday my life would change drastically. Fortunately I had a lot of closings that week to keep me busy, and had two on Friday, June 1. I went to the first knowing that at some point that day I would get the call with the results. I called the Victory Center about 11:00 am after my first closing and asked for Gina, the technician that had told me she would call me with the results. She said that they had gotten the results in, but that Dr. Gaskill would call me to go over them with me. I got an immediate feeling of foreboding. Why couldn't Gina just say "the test came out negative, you are fine"? I seemed to not be able to breath. I knew that when Dr. Gaskill called back it would not be good news. I had a closing at 2:00 and just hoped I could hold together for the day. I also had a 12:30 listing appointment.
At 11:30 Dr. Gaskill called back and as soon as I heard her voice I headed for my bedroom to close the door. Kris, my 20 year old must have seen the look on my face and stopped me and said, "Mom, is everything OK?" I smiled reassuringly and said "sure honey, I just need to take this call". I closed the door and Dr. Gaskill said "well, the results are not what we were hoping for. They came out positive". I gasped, barely able to speak, suddenly very hoarse. "You mean I have cancer?" I sort of squeaked. She said yes. I think I sat down on the bed and started taking breaths to steady myself. She asked if I was OK. I said yes, but that my kids were in the other room and I didn't know how to tell them. She started to very reassuringly tell me that Dr. Korman had done a fantastic job of catching this and that it was early and that I WOULD BE CURED! She told me that she would set me up with a surgeon for the first available appointment and would call Dr. Korman's office immediately. She kept telling me about early detection, and that it hadn't even shown up on the mammogram, and the outlook was great.
I went to the dining room where Wayne was working on the laptop, and pinched his arm as I passed from behind him. I whispered without looking at him "meet me in our bedroom RIGHT NOW". He didn't ask questions and immediately got up and followed me. We closed the door behind us and I looked at him as cried "I have breast cancer" as I fell into his arms crying softly. I think he cried too as he held me in his arms. Then suddenly I stopped crying, and said "we have to tell the children NOW".
We called Kris in the room, since he obviously knew something bad was happening. I looked into his sweet, concerned face and told him what no Mother ever wants to tell her children. I explained the events of the last week with him, the diagnosis and stressed that "I am not going to die". He broke down in my arms, all six foot three inches of him. Wayne and I comforted him and told him again that it was in the early stages and that I will be treated and cured. I told him to get Kari and Caleb to the living room so we could have a family meeting. He did, and Kari said "is this a bad meeting?" I told her it is a serious one. With Kari tucked under my arm, and Caleb standing in front of me, and Kari's best friend Madison on the couch beside her I made the hardest speech of my life, causing my precious 12 year old daughter to dissolve in tears in my arms, and my happy-go-lucky little nine year old son to also start crying. I grabbed his hands and said "Caleb and Kari, listen to me. I will have surgery, and will probably have a treatment called Chemo-therapy that may cause my hair to fall out, but it will grow back and I will be fine! I am not going to die!" We sat a few minutes longer and they asked a few questions that I don't remember. Madison was crying, too. I hugged each of them and said I would need them to be strong for me and to help me, especially when I had surgery and my treatments but we would stick together as a family and it would be OK.
When I stood up from that couch, I suddenly was filled with such a peace, the peace that has been called "the peace that passeth understanding”. I now know what that means. I realized, and told the children and Wayne that "this will be used for God's Glory". We don't understand it, but it is for a reason and God will be glorified through this.
Through the days that followed, I continued to have such a peace. I have slept like a baby since the diagnosis, and have not had the nagging anxiety that I would expect one to have at a time as this.
I had an MRI on Monday June 4th, which showed that the tumor was larger than originally thought; about 7 centimeters and Dr. Gaskill told me she recommended a mastectomy. I was surprised that the news didn't devastate me. I saw the surgeon on Tues June 5th. We liked him, and got a lot of information. He advised me to get a needle biopsy on the other breast since it is very fibrous, and to check for atypical cells. I had that done on Wed, June the 5th.
On June 7th I got the wonderful news that the needle biopsy on my right breast showed no abnormal cells! The surgeon had asked if I had wanted to plan to have a double mastectomy to reduce the worry of having the cancer recur in the other breast, but Wayne and I decided that since the right breast was healthy at this time we would give God a chance to work, and keep that one healthy. I didn't feel right about removing healthy tissue.
I decided not to tell anyone in the Real Estate community, including my clients about my diagnosis. My family and the church that I was attending at the time were so supportive to me. My Mom and Dad were wonderful, and so were my brother and sister-in-law, and the rest of my family. I just hated that I was worrying all of them so. I knew how much they were all hurting for me. I really think they were all more worried than I was. I knew that the mastectomy was just the beginning, and that I was in for a long road with chemo, radiation, and re-constructive surgery but I was just enjoying such a peace from God. I prayed that God would give my loved ones the same peace. My decision not to share my condition with other Realtors was in large part because I was worried that people would not want to have a Realtor that was going through what I was about to go through. I was concerned about my business and just didn't want this "inconvenience" to affect our Real Estate business. I didn't want the news to be spread around.
I spent the next couple of weeks choosing a plastic surgeon. I wanted one that would do immediate reconstructive surgery. I researched the options - a "tran flap" which used fat from the stomach, as well as a vein from the abdominal area for the blood supply to rebuild the breast. This apparently would give the best cosmetic result, but was the most invasive surgery with the longest recovery time, and also the riskiest. If it didn't "take" the whole new breast would literally die, and another surgery would be necessary. I decided instead to get a "tissue expander" which the plastic surgeon would insert at the time of the mastectomy. It is basically a round hard backing, with a sort of bag attached that is placed under the chest muscle. Several weeks after the surgery, the plastic surgeon injects saline solution into the bag once a week to stretch the skin and tissue in preparation for a final implant. This would take several months. Since I wanted to get back to work and a normal routine as soon as possible, I chose this route.
My surgery was scheduled for Monday June 25th. I spent the week before the surgery trying to plan for the "practical" aspects of what I needed to do. I bought a silicon insert to use until I had the saline injections. I bought button up blouses to wear to work since I had heard that I would have limited mobility with my arm for a while due to lymph node removal. I went through the motions to do what needed to be done, and was amazed that I was able to function so well.
Some dear friends and neighbors let Kari and Caleb spend the night with them the night before the surgery and got them off to school on Monday for me so we could get to the hospital early for the surgery. It was such a comfort to have surgery at St. Johns Catholic Hospital, and hear a prayer over the intercom as I was in the prep room. I felt surrounded by so much love. I felt the prayers of each of my dear ones, as well as others throughout the country that my family had contacted. My biggest fear was of having a reaction to the anesthesia and dying on the operating table and not being there for my children. I don't think I shared that fear with anyone but God. I wanted so much to be there for my children, and didn't want them to be cheated out of having a Mother. They need me in their lives, and my heart ached for what they were going through because of this cancer. I prayed for God to bring me through the surgery and to help me to be strong for them. I came through the surgery just fine. In fact I was sent home the next day which was Tuesday, and attended a closing on Friday! I had such a small amount of pain, it was amazing. The surgeon told my family that he got the entire tumor, and they took 18 lymph nodes. We got the report back the next week that there were microscopic cancer cells in 7 of the 18 lymph nodes so I would require chemotherapy and radiation. While I had hoped it would not be in the lymph nodes, I knew that God was in control of my life, and that whatever the future holds that he would be leading me each step of the way. I just had to walk through it God would use it all for his glory.
