·
You can be free from a homosexual lifestyle
J. N.
In November of 1998 I met the
person that I thought I would spend the rest of my life loving. Coming from a troubled home I had longed for true
unconditional love. I had several other relationships that did not last,
although for the time they were sufficient to fill the void. The first time I met ____________ my heart
skipped a beat there was an instant connection.
We did not even exchange names during that first encounter. It was not until December that we introduced
ourselves and swapped numbers. The phone calls lasted late into the nights and
I could not wait to hear from her again.
New years eve was our first date, after that we were inseparable. The relationship progressed rapidly and by
March I had moved out of my mother’s house and we were living together. ______________ and I shared many things
through the years and the soul ties had grown deep. We came through illnesses, deaths, teenage
rebellion, family conflicts, loss of jobs, life threatening surgery, and
adopting a child. I was set I had met my “soul mate” and was living the life
that I had always dreamed of, one where I was loved despite my flaws. Sure, there were struggles, but all relationships
have struggles. I was oblivious to what God was doing or the plans He had for
me. As a young child I would ride the
bus to church and as a teenager I went with the neighbors. I had given my heart
to Christ during that time but had long since left Him behind as I traveled
through life.
As __________________was recovering
from surgery she began reading the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry
B. Jenkins. It was then that she began
to question her relationship with God, as she had been raised in the church all
of her life. She urged me to read the
books I resisted for awhile, I was afraid of what truth they may reveal. When I finally conceded, it took me a month
to read the first chapter of the first book.
I was fighting this change and grasping to keep things the same. We moved back to town once she fully
recovered and had both agreed that we wanted to start going to church. This was for the benefit of a little girl as she had been attending with ______________
parents and they had moved away. We both
felt very strongly that my daughter needed to be in church.
I thought ok we will go to church
for my daughter but had no intentions in changing anything about our
relationship. I laugh at my foolishness
now. I still remember calling a friend ,
______________ sister in law, asking if it would be ok if we attended their
church. I was so nervous and asked
dozens of questions about the people of the church and what we would be
expected to do, or what would be said to us.
Thankfully none of my fears came true, and as we walked into my church
home (now) in October 2002, we were
greeted with love. It was not until
April 2003 that the Lord began to deal with our lifestyle. There was no pressure from the church or
other members. God, being the loving God
that He is gently began to speak to my heart.
I will never forget the day I sat in my Pastor’s office for a counseling session
about my father, she had me recite the sinners prayer. At the time I thought well I have done this
in church several times, but this time it was different. My eyes, ears, and heart were suddenly opened
to God’s word and the salvation of Jesus Christ.
It was not a great day of celebration as many
other Christians describe their day of salvation. I walked out a different person. I cannot express enough how patient God was
with my heart. It was not until a few
weeks later that He spoke to me and said
that I had to come out of the lesbian lifestyle. I left the session that day, got into my car
and I just knew what had to happen I was so scared. I called ___________ and could barely get the
words out of my mouth, I was sobbing, and my heart was breaking. She sat silent
for awhile just listening to me, God had already spoken to her she was just
waiting for my revelation. The next call I made was to my mother, her reaction
was shock and confusion. She said how
can you just give up this relationship you have for God? I did not know how I was going to do it or
even if I could. I often thought how,
can I give up a love that I can feel and see, for a Jesus that I cannot see,
for a Jesus who cannot wrap me in His arms and comfort me. The pain was so
unbearable at times even today as I reflect on this it brings tears to my face.
It was clear that my family was not going to be a support for me; they loved
__________________ and accepted her as family. They could not understand, and I
could not explain it I was walking by faith and did not understand myself.
Over the next year and a half, God
was patient with ___________________and I as we walked through this uncharted
territory. There were so many ties that
bound us to each other and one was only 5 years old. If I, an adult did not fully understand what
was happening how could I expect her to understand why her life was being
flipped upside down. Thankfully God had
placed us in a church full of loving people who did not judge, but only prayed
and offered support. Don’t misunderstand
there were many times over the next few years that I would feel very alone and
did not feel that anyone could understand how I felt. God was working out his plan and despite all
of my stumbling He was going to keep working on me and see me through.
The day came that _________________
and I had to officially separate meaning we would no longer live under the same
roof. I was so scared I had depended on her so much. How could I do this on my
own? How would I pay the bills? How would I take care of my daughter? What if something broke who would fix it? The
first three days in my new apartment (which was the first time I had lived on
my own), I did not sleep and I barricaded the doors and windows to protect my
daughter. Fear was so strong, doubt was consuming my thoughts, and all the
while my heart was still breaking. I still loved _______________________ very
much and I struggled to let go. God was
so faithful He had truly prepared the way for me and my daughter. I could see Him working in my life, but I was
still depending on _________________ to help.
It came to the point that God was calling her to move to another
state. I see now that He was providing
space for each of us to heal and for me to learn to depend on Him. This was difficult for me and I would still
call _____________ often for advice on different issues.
As time went by my soul did begin
to heal and I started to change. God was
working on me and my faith was growing.
I could feel my relationship with Jesus developing into a
friendship. By this time I was singing
in the choir at church, this is when most of my healing took place. As I sang praises to God He would speak to my
heart and soul. He was calling me and I
was scared, I did not fully trust Him yet. I can remember many nights that I
would just cry out to Him begging Him to make the pain go away, my heart was
hurting so bad; the pain was unbearable at times.
I would have these visions of
sitting on the beach with Jesus laying in His lap weeping and He would wrap His
arms around me and hold me until I felt better.
This became my secret place that I would go to in my mind when the pain
was too much to handle. Even though I
was living for God and He was healing me, and delivering me I was still in
communication with ______________. She had moved back to Texas. But I was not the same person I was when she
left. My faith had grown and the Lord was becoming my best friend.
God is a jealous God and He wanted
all of me. I began feeling this drawing
to Him it was very intense. As I would
pray and seek Him I could feel that He was telling me I had to completely close
the door of the past. My first reaction
was what? Why? I am trusting you God. I do depend on you, and I see how you are
providing for me.
See I was still not 100% depending
on Him I was holding on to _____________ as a safety net. One Sunday morning
while singing in the choir I had this vision of myself standing between two
doors in a small corridor. The door
behind me was open and it had a string on it that was attached to the door in
front of me. I had my hand on both doors
but I could not open the front one without closing the one behind me. Other times I would see the same two doors,
except that the door in the front was covered with the blessing that God had in
store for me, the restoration, the redemption, the promises, and the
unconditional love. I wanted to close
the door, but I was scared what would happen to ___________ and could I really
trust this God that I cannot see to take care of my every need. This vision
would come to me often and as I was not responding I began seeing myself on a
cliff and God was saying step off, step off , TRUST ME, I GOT YOU , I WILL TAKE
CARE OF YOU, JUST STEP OFF, TRUST ME IT WILL BE ALRIGHT, JUST STEP OFF. His words were so loud in my head and there
was such a sense of urgency and passion.
Once I closed that door, the front
door flew open. God has been so faithful
to me He healed my heart, He delivered me from that lifestyle and the shame
that I felt. Through God’s grace and mercy my thought processes were restored.
I was able to distinguish between the lies of the enemy and the truth of the
Word of God. He showed me that I have
promises of unconditional love through Him and that I am never alone, because
He will never leave me or forsake me. My
relationship with Jesus has grown and He is the love of my life. I trust him completely and I know that no
matter what He will take care of me and my daughter. He has proved it over and over again in my
life. I have peace in my soul and joy in
my heart that I am living in God’s will.
I repented and asked God to forgive me for living in that lifestyle for
so many years and He has been faithful to forgive me and to save me. I look forward
to the day that my Godly husband will find me.
This journey has not been easy and
as I reflect back on how far God has brought me I have such gratitude that He
choose to save me. Romans 5:8 (New Living Translation) says, “But God showed
his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still
sinners”. God knew that the day would
come that I would surrender my life to Him and He would create a new person in
me. I wait in expectancy for the places
that God will lead me and the lives that I will be able to touch by sharing His
love.
Lord God, I pray that as people
read these words they may see your unfailing love, and your desire to save all
of your children. They may know it is
with a heavy heart that You watch them live the homosexual lifestyle. This is not how you created them and that
they would know you are the true deliverer.
I ask that you would touch their hearts Lord that they would be open to
You and Your plan for them.
In Jesus Name Amen
If you were impacted by this story
and want to dedicate your life to Christ and be free from the bondage of
homosexuality recite the prayer below.
Father God, I believe that you sent
your son to this world, and he was born of the virgin. He lived in this world as a man and did many
miracles. He gave his life for me on a cross
where he shed his sinless blood that I may be forgiven of my sins. On the third
day he arose from the grave and now lives for evermore. Jesus come into my
heart, I repent of my sins and ask you to forgive me for living this lifestyle. Holy Spirit please come and lead me and guide
me that I may know the path to follow.
In Jesus Name Amen
