By Gary Smalley
What are the emotions that cause us trouble?
Anger – Our focus is on something that we want but can’t have.
Fear – A threatening feeling of immediate loss or the emotion that we are about to lose something
Worry – Being anxious over something that may or may not happen.
Jealousy – feeling of losing someone or something that we possess to someone else.
Hurt Feelings – being disappointed when something or someone does the unexpected to us.
Envy – feeling of someone getting something or becoming something we secretly wish for.
Sexual possessiveness – the passion that one desires to possess another to fulfill sensual drive.
Selfishness – the desire to control for our own purposes.
To come to terms with these negative emotions is to be in tune with oneself and recognize what the feeling is really about.
1. Recognize that all trials or hurtful experiences have the power of develop a deeper and more abiding love within us.
2. While you are still experiencing the painful emotions resulting from this experience begin to look for the positive outcome of these experiences.
Greater sensitivity inwardly
Greater ability to feel or empathize with pain of others
Slows down our ‘pace’ and enables us to become more aware of the importance of those we love.
3. Practice gratefulness for all of these benefits and others that we receive from trials and hurtful experiences. As you look at these positive consequences with gratefulness you will discover that the anger worry loneliness hurt feelings fear etc will literally ‘drain’ out of your heart and mind.
There are three sources we tend to look to find happiness and avoid the pain of negative emotions.
1. People – we want someone to meet our deepest needs. People often don’t meet our needs because they’re preoccupied with meeting their own needs. We can try to use people to give us quality life – hoping that will bring us lasting fulfillment. Most often though, people can actually dim our inner light. Our level of expectations is unrealistic.
2.Places – we tend to change places to get away from the hustle and bustle looking for a place we will be happy. Usually places bring happiness only for a season – till the new in gone. Again expectations that are tied to location is unrealistic.
3. Things – money, possessions, increased talents, all of these things are often looked on as a main source of life. Many people feel that they are not successful until they have acquired certain amount of possessions. Advertisements and marketers underscore this desire and manipulate the desires to achieve by actually bringing greater pressure to life.
Again it is not having ‘things’ that causes anger or hurt feelings it’s the expectation that they bring happiness that is wrong.
And when we don’t find fulfillment in people places and things we often experience negative emotions that further short circuit our life.
All or Nothing thinking.
Brooding and dwelling on mates faults.
Separate self and desires from mate. Cause sin to happen.
How a woman can start repairs:
Accept mate is human and WILL MAKE MISTAKES IN LIFE.
Recognize your own faults and actions which cause pain to mate.
Forgive and let go of the past hurts.