By: Walterene Jones
I don’t remember a time that I have never not known who I was. Even while Steve was in the hospital and then in ICU for all those weeks before his passing, it seemed like all the nurses and staff knew who I was and would greet me and call me by name as I walked through the door each day. Recently, I found myself in an awkward situation sitting at my Dr’s Office filling out the new patient forms. I came to the section where it asks my status and I was to check a box for Married, Separated, Divorced or Single. I sat there looking at each option and thinking to myself, “I am not Divorced, I am Separated until my time comes to go be with the Lord and Steve, Legally and Biblically I am not married, but I don’t consider myself Single either. So Who Am I“?
After loosing Steve I found myself struggling with trying to “Find Myself” again as they used to say in the 1960’s. I am a widow, but in my mind and heart I am not single but still Mrs. Stephen Jones. It took me a few months after his passing that I finally did remove my wedding ring, but after being Mrs. Stephen Jones over 30 years my hand still feels naked and bare and vulnerable.
My search through the past few months has taken me down many roads, some familiar, but most are new and uncharted roads that I don’t know what lies ahead. Will the road be smooth traveling or a bumpy ride? God has directed my uncertain paths over and over and been Faithful to me. I have learned that there is no road map for widowhood except God’s Word, his Grace, his Mercy and his Love.
Helen Steiner Rice a famous poet wrote the Poem That Souls May Grow and it says, “May you find comfort in the thought that sorrow, grief and woe are sent into our lives sometimes to help our souls to grow… For through the depths of sorrow comes understanding love, And peace and truth and comfort sent from God above.”
The Lord provided me with the perfect CD of praise music at the time in my life that I felt so empty and useless and not knowing who I was and not knowing what to do with myself. I put the CD in the player and played it for the first time in my car, the first song started to play and I almost had to pull over on the side of the road because it touched me and spoke directly to me and to my heart. It was confirmation from God himself giving me answers because it was if the writer of the song was singing about me and my life. Since then, I have adopted the song as My Theme Song and Testimony and I play it over and over to help me keep my focus. I’d like to share the words with you and I hope it blesses you too.
I Have a Hope
By: Tommy Walker
I have a hope, I have a future
I have a destiny that is yet awaiting me
My life’s not over, a new beginning’s just begun
I have a hope, I have this hope.
God has a plan, it’s not to harm me
But it’s to prosper me and to hear me when I call.
He intercedes for me, working all things for my good
Though trials may come I have this hope.
I will yet praise Him, my great Redeemer
I will yet stand up and give Him glory with my life
He takes my darkness and He turns it into light
I will yet praise Him, my Lord my God.
My God is for me, He’s not against me
So tell me whom then, tell me whom then shall I fear
He has prepared for me
Great works He’ll help me to complete
I have a hope, I have this hope.
Goodness and mercy, they’re gonna follow me
And I’ll forever dwell in the house of my great King
No eye has ever seen all He’s preparing there for me
Though trials may come, I have this hope
There’s still hope for me today
Cause the God in heaven love me.