The ravaging
Written By: Deborah R.
It was one of those hot muggy summer nights when I was ten years old. The family was over at my grandma’s house just hanging out; my parents, grandparents and an uncle. The phone rang and everyone seemed to be called to attention. It was another uncle and his girlfriend. On their way back from an amusement park, their car broke down and they needed someone to pick them up. I’m not really sure who went but none the less, they made it home. After they had got back and the initial excitement and full explanations of the broken down car were over, it was decided that we all were hungry and they had appointed that uncle to go to Taco Bueno to get food for all. During this time, going out to eat or getting food from the fast food place was a real treat. I don’t know what his train of thought was at the moment he spoke up and said he wasn’t going alone. He turned to me and said, “Debbie can go with me.” The family agreed and off we went. So I thought.
As we turned the corner, he began talking to me about my “womanhood.” He point blanked asked if I had started my period. I was ten…of course I had not. Feeling very awkward and embarrassed I confidently responded with, “Not yet, but mom says that it should happen anytime now.” He and his girlfriend lived two streets behind my grandparents. He turned down his street and I ask where we were going because I knew this wasn’t the way to the restaurant. He said he had to stop by his house to get something. He pulled into the driveway and said let’s get out. I had a very uneasy feeling and told him I would stay in the car. He turned to me and said, “Don’t you trust me? I’m your dad’s brother. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you because he would beat me up.” Now feeling very uncomfortable I agreed to get out and we went into the house. I remember I started to shiver. I wasn’t cold, I was just shivering. He told me to lie down on the couch. He began to undress me and I started to cry, still unsure what was happening. He kept telling me to trust him…trust him that he was my dad’s brother. He started to touch me and I began crying out loud. He told me several times to stop crying. I couldn’t stop...it was uncontrollable. He then said if you don’t stop crying, I’m going to give it to you. I didn’t understand that statement until he stood up and started undoing his pants. He stood at the foot of the couch and began to touch himself. Still crying, I turned my head and found myself staring at the front door. I was watching and waiting for the door knob to turn. I wanted to leave. Someone was bound to come through the door at any moment. At one point, he got up went to the bathroom and got something. At the time, I didn’t know what it was. He stuck his hand in a jar and began to smear some sort of lotion on me. He then got on top of me. I just remember feeling pain. I didn’t know what was happening or what to do. Thirty years ago what did a ten year old girl really know about sex? Not much. I don’t know how much time passed or what else happened. I only know that nobody opened the door. No one came in. No one heard me crying. No one…
After he was finished, he went to the bathroom and told me to get dressed. As I was putting on my clothes, he told me to come into the bathroom and gave me a rag and told me to clean myself. I didn’t feel anything at this point. I just wanted to leave.
We got back into the car and headed to Taco Bueno. There was always a long line so he went to Taco Bell and that was his excuse for taking so long. He told me that we would tell them we waited for thirty minutes at Taco Bueno and then decided to go to Taco Bell. When we got back to the house with the food, the first thing everyone asked was, “What took you so long?” He responded with his premeditated answer and then said asked Debbie. I just responded by shaking my head up and down. They didn’t even think twice about it. They just dug in to the bags of food and carried on as though nothing happened.
No one ever knew about that night until 17 years later. When I started My Road of Recovery and dealing with issues of being molested for 7 years by my step-father (the brother of the uncle who raped me), I decided to have my mother join me in a session with the Christian counselor. That night, she learned that I wasn’t only molested by step-father, which she knew about, but also by two other men and an uncle. And it was that uncle who raped me. She cried and said she didn’t know. Of course she didn’t, no one knew. No one came through the door that night. Until this day, she has never spoken to me about the rape or about the molestation of my step-father, who she is still married to today.
There is a Ravaging of our youth, their innocence and the natural order of things that is sweeping through our country, our states, our cities, our families and our children. There is a scar that is within me that will never go away. There are pictures in my head that will always be there. There is remorse because a part of me was ravaged, torn and pushed aside as though I didn’t matter. But today…with My God…I am a stronger person. I see the scar but there is no fear with it. There is no longer any pain. The pictures in my head will flip through like a book. It’s just a book about my past; it’s no longer a book that defines me and the present. I have found healing and wholeness in only one thing, in only one book…The Word of God.
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