Role Models of America

Think Win! Win!

 

Life presents us with daily challenges that can strain our strength from outside forces.  But when marital challenges face us, it drains our strength from within.  Looking for ways to cope with the stress either brings about another layer of trouble or renewed focus and understanding.  

 

Think for a moment about an trip taken by flight. Airplane turbulence from outside is bumpy and scary.  The weather outside the plane can bring about disorder and demands focus from everyone riding inside. Often it brings nervious thoughts to the travelers riding that bumpy flight.

 

But turbulence from within the plane between pilots or between pilots and the crew or control tower is no less risky.  Or the thoughtless actions of a ground crew that did not properly prepare the plane to fly safely. This social weather can cause serious mistakes to be made, bringing down the plane from man’s failure to rule the situation with wisdom. 

 So it is with marriage.  Outside forces can bring turbulence to each marriage, but it's the inside forces that can cause it to collapse. What is the solution for these inner issues?

Question:  would you be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either of you in the marriage is suggesting?

 

There are two types of  basic solutions:

Win – lose

Win – win. 

 

The type of solution called win – lose brings consequences that will be lasting and makes withdrawals from each person's emotional bank each time it happens.  It can create these platforms for either the husband or the wife to stand on.

1 I am a martyr – go ahead and step on me

2 I resent what you are doing and will become more stubborn as time passes.

 

Win – lose is about ‘who’ is right not ‘what’ is right. 

Win – win consequences will be lasting and will create emotional deposits into both banks each time. It is the only solid foundation for effective family interaction. 

 

It says, what is important to you must be just as important to me.

 

Changing from ‘me’ to ‘we’ will change your entire lifestyle.  No longer just focusing on your own schedule, your own priorities.  You have to sacrifice, You have to think about others about meeting their needs about what makes them happy.  Think up a solution that causes BOTH of you to win. 

 

Lev. 19:18 ……’Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself’.

 

Have you read the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families?  It's author Stephen Covey covers this subject in depth.  Invest in this book - your knowledge and relationship skills will increase 100 fold!

The Angels Cry Holy ... Holy ... Holy

 

This table scape at the RMA Tea was all golden glory. With layer upon layer with different textures and luxurious fabrics with long silken fringes. This table represented the Angelic Hosts of God coming  up into His Presence, and going down to earth as His messengers. One of the sights we know that will be seen when we get to Heaven is God's Angels. And the description here is as if they are all golden with an ascending winding stairway up to God. 

The scripture topic was ".....and they cry Holy, Holy Holy Lord God Almighty." And this angelic table was splendid with every detail attended to. Lighted candles set the tone for all who were blessed to set here.

  They Cry Holy, Holy, Holy – Revelation 4:8 b  says the angels are saying ....."Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty".

In complete reverence of the Spirit of God, the angels are obedient as they make their way up and down from heaven and to cry out royal praises to God Almighty.

There was a tall winding staircase with lit candles, angels, flowers on the brocade table cloth. And special momento book for each lady to take home with her.

 

 

Wow what a table setting!  And  such interesting conversation pieces were here to talk about! Walterene, your team outdid themselves recreating this most awesome spectacle that we will see one day in Heaven - well done!

And God Shall Wipe Away All Tears

One of the special tables at the recent Role Models of America 10th Annual Tea was so gorgeous.  It was navy blue, silver and crystal. The theme of the Tea this year was called Heavenly Dreams and I would like to show you this incredible table first.

The thought behind the table scape was that it should be a contrast between heaven and earth.  On top was an light glowing through clouds. Literally there were lights glowing through the sheer fabric.  Underneath the divider between heaven and earth were tear drop crystals hanging that represented all the tears on earth, yet they stopped and never entered the glowing light of heaven

He Shall Wipe Away All Tears – Revelation 7:17 For the Lamp which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters:  and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.

I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels.

Each of the place settings at this table scape were special with details to enjoy for each lady.  Enlarge each of these pictures so you can see all the details easily. The contrasts between the dark blue, clear crystal and white was beautiful.  And the message is so encouraging. Each lady received a copy of the book, 'All Things are Possible' to take home and read.   

The creator of this table scape was Role Model Walterene.  When she decided to use this idea for her table, we did not know that she would suffer the loss of her dearly loved husband Steve, within weeks.  And many have been the days of tears and sorrow for all of us since then.  But her table is an encouragement in a very special way - for the day will come in Heaven when all of our tears will be wiped away and we will never shed another tear.  There will be nothing more to mourn.  We will be at home with our Lord and our loved ones forever.

And so this is the first of the tables to be shared with you, it's uniqueness and timely message is forever the strength of the believers faith in Christ Jesus. Her team members helped her by using her theme and scripture and creating it in such a elegant way to describe the message so aptly.

Tears may endure for the night ..... but joy is coming in the morning! Rest assured in that fact.   

Now What ?!?

Foolishly, I believed that my husband coming home would make life easier.  When we brought him home, he didn't need 24 hour care, the doctors felt that he could care for himself.  Now, this was true, but I wasn't sure if he would remember to take his medications on time (there were about six or seven of them) to be taken at several different times.  Would he eat, would he try and cook and burn down the house? 

My husband has a condition called aphysia, basically his brain doesn't make the proper links to communicate and understand words.  When my children asked him "Daddy do you love me?" He would answer "No" and didn't understand why this upset them.  If asked for a spoon, he would look at me like I was from outer space! My husband had to relearn the language and what words meant.  He could understand the tone of your voice so he knew if it was a question or a statement, but most of the words made no sense to him, this was very frustrating for us all.  He went to speech therapy three times a week on top of neurology appointments pulmonology appointments neurosurgeon appointments and then I found out about acupuncture, so we added those appointments to the rest. 

My husband was so tired of Doctors.  My children and I would work with him on speech, we would make him say words over and over and show him pictures so the word would make since to him.  We sing the alphabet song with him like you do in kindergarten, nursery rhymes are good for learning speech again.  This was a hard time on all of us, my husband did not understand what we were saying, we didn't understand what he wanted or needed, his first sentence that he could say and we could understand was "I'll show you"  he had to show us everything, then we would teach him the words that went with what he wanted to say. 

Eventually over time, he continues to get more words and understanding. Little by little the doctors took him off of most of his medications.  The doctor told us that he could probably be taken off the seizure medication, because he only had one seizure after the crainiotomy and has not had any more problems, that was in December of 2006.  So, I watched my husband like a hawk to make sure we did not see any signs that he may be about to have a seizure, like involuntary jumping in the limbs and drifting off.  I was scared all the time when I was at work that he would have a seizure when no one was home.  When I came home from work and called him on my breaks, he would say fine, fine when I asked him how he was. 

He would mow the grass, he was so bored, everyday.  He mowed every lawn in the neighborhood, I would tell him stop doing that, it's not safe, your gonna get too hot, 'fine, fine' is all he would say. 

May 30,2007 I got another phone call at work from my daughter, she was once again in a panic.  She screamed into the phone Mom, I think Daddy had another stroke, he had been outside all day in the heat and had forgotten to eat and hadn't had anything to drink all day.  He was having fun hanging out with my brother in law.  I

 can't explain the feeling that comes into the pit of your stomach when you get those phone calls.  When he came inside he decided he needed to walk to the store to buy gas for the lawnmower so he could once again mow the lawn.  My children didn't want to walk with him so he decided to go by himself, he got over heated and had a seizure in the middle of the street, the trashman found him.  They knocked on every door until they found the right house, back to the hospital we go....

Putting First Things First

                                                     

 

                                                                                           

Why don’t we put the things that mean the most to us first?

1.Popular Culture – Entertainment has pushed relationship time aside. The average American spends 15 of their 40 hrs of free time watching tv.

2.Laws – Marriage is no longer a covenant or a commitment, it is simply a contract that is easily broken and depreciated thru the courts. It has become a good source of revenue for legal fields of representation.

3.Economy – The rising cost of living has forced changes in marriage by dual jobs and no time or energy  to spend together.

4.Technology – has put us into materialistic overload, and has caused a revolution in expectations.  Instant visual impact influences families to ‘do’ before thinking. Poor choices result in more pressure. Desire has replaced Need.

 

When we encounter extremely powerful influence sources …. We literally experience a kind of conscience or spiritual vertigo.  We become disoriented and our moral compass is thrown off.

 

There are natural laws that never change.  North, south, east west never change.    And these principals ultimately govern all behavior and consequences.  The challenge is for principles and our behavior to align.

 

Natural systems – which are based on Principles which do not change.

Social systems which are based on values and behavior that can and do change. 

 

Have you ever ‘crammed’ at school?

Have you ever ‘crammed’ on a farm?  Cramming works for social systems but not for natural systems.  You can study hard and fast for a mental test, but can’t plant hard and fast and expect to get a crop out of the ground quickly. It is impossible to forget to plant in the spring and goof off all summer then hit it hard in the fall and expect to bring in the harvest. 

 

Is it possible to get good grades and even credentials out of school and not get an education? In other words when it comes to the natural system of developing your mind, it is governed more by the law of the farm than the law of the school.- by a natural rather than a social system.

 

‘Cramming’ for weight loss?  In order to achieve permanent and healthy weight loss you must align the direction of travel- your habits and your lifestyle with the natural laws or the principles that bring the desired results with principles such as proper nutrition and regular exercise.  The social value system may reward immediate results through some crash  diet, but the body eventually outsmarts the strategy of the mind,  so we can see that not only the farm but also the mind and the body are governed by natural laws. 

 

In the long run, are relationships governed more by the law of the farm or the law of the school? 

 

You can’t talk yourself out of problems you behave yourself into and unless you are trustworthy you cannot produce trust.  

 

 We come to understand that the principles of trustworthiness, integrity and honesty are the foundation of any relationship that endures over time. People may fake it for a while but eventually violated principles destroy trust.   And it doesn’t make any difference if you are dealing with relationships between people or relationship between organizations or relationships between society and government or between one nation and another.

 

Ultimately there is a moral law and a moral sense – an inward knowing, a set of principles that are universal, timeless and self evident that are in control.

 

The essence of real happiness and success is to align the direction of travel with natural laws or principles.  What are these principals that cannot be changed?

 

Honesty

Truth

Trust

 

In spite of the work we do on mission statements, if we don’t internalize them in our hearts and minds and inside the culture of the family, these cultural forces will confuse and disorient us.  They will stagger our sense of morality so that ‘wrong’ is defined more by getting caught that by doing wrong. 

 

Pilots are trained in the use of instruments whether or not they actually fly in instrument conditions.  And that why it’s so important the family be trained to use the instruments – the 4 God given gifts  that help them to stay on track.

 

In an epic historical study one of the world’s greatest historians, Edward Gibbon, identified 5 main caused of the decline and fall of Roman civilization:

1. the breakdown of the family structure
2. the weakening of a sense of individual responsibility
3. excessive taxes and government control and intervention
4. seeking pleasures that become increasingly hedonistic, violent and immoral
5. the decline of religion. 

 

Who’s going to raise my children?  Today’s alarmingly destructive culture or Me?

Who’s going to give me a great marriage?  Today’s alarming destructive culture or Me?

Make a choice to live by Godly Christian  principals – it will keep your marriage strong in the upheavals of this modern world. Put first things first - for a long lasting marriage. 

 

** These are lessons that I have taught using the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families.  I highly recommend buying this book written by Stephen Covey!

Pastor Gayla Holley       

 

 

The Decision

Oh this would be such a hassle for my life.  I don't want a kid! How embarrassing for me!  I don't have this as my goal for college.  It would be such a problem for me to deal with!  Abortion will solve this problem for me,

What would my parents do?  They would kill me!  I don't want to die!  I don't want to lose my privileges, or my pride, or my rights to do as I wish. They will be so mad at me! Abortion will solve my parents anger.

I can't tell my boyfriend - he will walk away and leave me.  Abandon me, turn his back on me, and I would never see his face again! I would never feel his arms around me again. Abortion will help me keep him.

So my baby girl - you are the one to pay the price of abortion.  I will get rid of you - the problem.  My parents won't kill me - abortion will ......  I will abandon you and never see your baby face.I  will never feel your baby arms around my neck. I get to keep my life - and you lose yours. 

Her tiny arms and legs move inside of me, and her little ears are listening to my words. "Mommy ..... mommy"? Her little heart says  "Hold me mommy I am afraid......."   

The Fern and the Bamboo

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my
spirituality.... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one
last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me.

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of
them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the
earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the
bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again,
nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not
quit. The same in year four.

"Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and
gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a
challenge it could not handle.

"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you
have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo.. I will
never quit on you.

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different
purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest, realizing that God will never give up on me. And He will
never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness; bad days give you experiences; both are
essential to life.

-- Author Unknown --

I'm Really Trying Lord

 

By:  Walterene Jones

 

Last night, through many tears, stress, anxiety and frustration I kept saying, I’m really trying Lord, but I don’t know how.  Each minute that passed, the harder I tried, the more the sobs came.  The DVD player in the bedroom had stopped playing and the toilet seat in the master bath broke.  It seemed like everything around me was breaking, light bulbs burning out, lamps that won’t work even after I change the bulb, one thing after another.   Believe it or not, the garage door was even stuck! 

 

I unhooked and took the non-working VCR/DVD player off and tried to connect an extra VCR/DVD player up that we had, but I couldn’t even get it to come on, much less play anything.  The more I tried to fix things the harder I cried. 

 

I’ve watched my husband for 30 years fix all sorts of things around our home and our cars.  I knew I could call one of many of my brothers from my home Church, friends or neighbors  and they would come and fix these things for me, but I was determined to do it myself, to learn and I was going to succeed in doing it.   These days I seem to be speaking God’s promises a whole lot.  Like, “Lord you promised me in  Corinthians 10: 13 that you will not put more on me than I can bear, and I’m really trying Lord, but I don’t know how.  It just isn’t working like I’ve always seen Steve do it.  You are my husband now Lord, and as my husband I need, some guidance and some help to get these things done.  Lord, you gave me this strong will and determination inside me, now I need some help to accomplish these things.

 

For 2 hours I tried to get the plastic nuts underneath the screws that hold on the toilet seat loose, it was like they were welded or super glued on and wouldn’t budge.  Finally out of desperation and my determination, I wedged some pliers under the edge of that plastic screw and with every ounce of my strength I shattered those plastic screws, then it took me only 5 minutes to put the new seat on.  I went back and went through the process again of hooking up the VCR/DVD Player and this time worked.

 

Lord, I miss him so much.  I can only imagine him laying there laughing himself breathless watching me try to get that toilet seat off and getting more and more upset.  Lord, fill this void in me that hurts so much.

Who Are We?

                                                           

Role Models of America is an encouragement to women to model and mentor the next generation.  RMA provides the platform by which role models can communicate with other women by forums, events, social interaction and businesses in which to offer guidance.  Women are searching for fresh ideas, new innovations, and creative ways to help them achieve the goals they have envisioned for themselves and their families. Every woman has a desire for the complete personal development of their unique abilities and giftings, to make a difference in the world. RMA provides the format by which she can develop herself into mature wisdom.

RMA is guided by a variety of feminine leaders, who lead exemplary lives in different fields of service. Our steering committee is made up of wives and widows, mothers, and divorced women of sage experience.  They are moms with children from the very young to those with teenagers.  From middle aged children to great grandchildren.  They work in the fields of:

Health

Space Engineering

Commercial Staff Supervision

Executive National Women Not-for Profit Agency

Corporate Financial Administration

Real Estate

Pastoral Counseling

Event Coordinator

Professional Family Management

Oil and Gas Industry Piping Designer

www.rolemodelsofamerica.org is our international voice on women’s issues. Articles of meaningful depth are published on subjects that affect the lives of women world wide.   

Role Models of America currently has a personal development resource program which  provides clothing, shoes, make up, purses, briefcases and personal organizers to those who are seeking job interviews.  Entitled ‘Gayla’s Closet’, recipients are personally instructed and mentored. RMA accepts financial donations as well as professional quality clothing, shoes and accessories to provide for those accessing ‘Gayla’s Closet’ Program.

RMA operates a thrift store that provides good quality new and used clothing and shoes from babies, children, teens, men and women. Furniture and home household goods of all types also provided. This store is open to the public and provides aid in three ways. 

• A voucher system through which our Family Client Services provides to those who are in need.  This receipt gives the bearer a monetary value based on family size.
• The RMA thrift store is a fully self supporting company with employees and Community Service Volunteers.
• Excess goods are shipped to nations of poverty and suffering humanity.  The mass of people groups now served around the world, is beyond numbering.  To God be the Glory.

Donation Boxes are carefully placed to provide the goods for the family services we offer.

RMA also has an Ebay Store for collectables and treasures to delight our worldwide audience.  It’s address is; http://stores.ebay.com/RMA-Super-Thrift-Store-and-Toys

Role Models of America  hosts various seasonal events that provides training.  

• New Year’s Prayer and Praise Service
• Time Management for Women Seminar
• The Easter Spring Clean Inspiration
• Miraculous Makeovers
• Girls Night Out
• Ladies Tea
• Back Yard Pool Party
• The Summer Great Escape
• Fall Women’s Fair
• RMA Family Style Show
• Fall Craft Day
• Christmas Decoration Week
• Ladies Retreats
• Proverbs 31 Study Class
• RMA Cook Off
• Holiday Home Tours

Quiet Peace

My husband had a seizure in the middle of the night.  The doctor tried to take him off the respirator and they noticed he wasn't breathing right, the nurse walked over to check him and he began having a seizure.  There was a wonderful PA that really liked my husband, she really had no reason except that one of her best friends had the same name, so she called me personally at home to let me know and how they were handling it.  So my first thought in the middle of the night is wonderful, now we have seizures, what have I done to my husband? 

In the stillness of nighttime there is a quiet peace that can come upon you, it's like nothing I've ever felt.  I'm not gonna lie and say God told me it's alright, but I will tell you that I just felt calm and this is a feeling I held onto when it got really scary. 

When my kids would crawl into my bed and ask me why is this happening to my daddy he is a good dad, he works every day, provides for his family, loves his family and their are men out there who won't work, beat their wives and kids, aren't there for their families just in general, why is God going to take our dad?  I could look them in the eye and tell them growth can be difficult, we learn lessons in many different ways and we grow in many different ways.  When we are little our limbs grow and cause pain or discomfort in our bones, or when you don't listen to your parents you can hurt in your heart and when we grow spiritually we can also hurt in our hearts, but on the other side of that pain, if we do it right and thank God for every little blessing (even coupons!) we will come out better and smarter on the other side. 

All things work for the good for those who love the LORD!  Some times I forgot that, but my kids were great at reminding me.  My husband had four more surgeries and three months in the hospital before he got to come home.  I foolishly thought life would be easier when he could come home