Role Models of America

How can a couple quit fighting?

Declaration of Interdependence

There are different styles of marriages:

Dependence - being unable to stand alone- must have mate mentally, emotionally and spiritually, unhappy without their attention. 

Independence

– standing alone- ignoring mate’s needs, self motivated actions, tends to make decisions based on self. 

Interdependence – the ability to stand alone- but choosing to connect with spouse, bringing individual gifting to add to whole value of couple.

The Policy of Joint Agreement:

Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between spouses.

                                                                                             

Thoughtfulness at all costs, brings sensitivity and care one for another. Think about this passage of scripture and how it could be used in the context of marriage. 

ROMANS 12:9-21

⁹Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

¹⁰Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another

¹¹Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

¹²Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

¹³Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

¹⁴Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

¹⁵Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

¹⁶Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

¹⁷Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

¹⁸If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

¹⁹Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

²⁰Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

²¹Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Here are the Types of handling Conflicts.

Dictator Strategy:

These couples make decisions for personal interests at the expense of mate, One partner is the victim upon completion. 

Dueling Dictators Strategy :

As resentment grows the subordinate spouse stages their own coup creating solid walls of resistance.  Both partners become victims.

Anarchy Strategy:

Everyone for themselves, forget resolving issues, refusal to try to renew relationship endures each other and lives for self.

Biblical Strategy:

Both spouses don’t make decisions until they are in agreement. Neither spouse imposes their will upon the other. Making mutual decisions to benefit both, creates harmony and emotional bonding.

Guideline #1  Set ground rules to make negotiations pleasant and safe

Ground Rule #1 Try to be pleasant and cheerful throughout negotiations. (remember body language and voice inflections)

Ground Rule #2 Put safety first. Don’t make demands, show disrespect, or anger even if your mate does.

Ground Rule #3 If you reach an impasse where you are not getting anywhere or if one of you is starting to reach beyond the boundaries, stop negotiations and come back to the issue later.  End the discussion by changing the subject to something more pleasant.  After a brief pause the offending mate may apologize and wish to return to the subject that was so upsetting.  But don’t go back into the minefield until it has been swept clear of mines. 

Guideline #2 Identify the problem from both perspectives.

Try This:

Before you start explaining each of your perspectives take 5 minutes to write down your thoughts on paper.  This will help clarity your concerns before you begin discussion the issue with your spouse and it’s a good way to avoid demands, disrespect and anger.

Guideline #3 Brainstorm with abandon

Try This:

Carry paper with you so you can jot down possible solutions to a problem as you think of them throughout the day.  Some problems may require days of thought and pages of ideas.  Keep in mind your goal a solutions that has mutual appeal.

Guideline #4 Choose the solution that meets the conditions of the Policy of Joint Agreement – mutual and enthusiastic agreement. 

Try This:

It is easier to have agreement regarding a short term experimental plan than a plan set in cement for life.  If the plan doesn’t work out for one spouse you can go back to brain storming for a new one.

To avoid arguments about money use the Policy of Joint Agreement to create a budget. And then spend outside the budget only if you are both in  enthusiastic agreement.  Review your budget 3 months later to be sue you are still in agreement about each item.

The Policy of Joint Agreement not only helps you become great negotiators, it also protects your love for each other. Think Win – Win where both partners win. Don’t operate as the concept of Lose – Win, when one wins and the other feels like they lost.  Or the other form which is Lose – Lose! Marriage can be great – when each partner learns to operate in maturity and wisdom.   

Practice makes perfect. Look for the Win/Win solutions in life.

These notes are taken from the book called   ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People’ written by  author Stephan Covey.

To Trust Again

Written By:  Deborah R.

As I learn to trust again, there is so much to learn.

God, I’m learning to trust myself.  What a surprise, that there is

so much inside of me to learn to trust.  I’m learning to listen to

me inside, to pay attention, to really hear.

I’m learning about my own wisdom, that I do know what is at

the heart of me, what I want, what I feel, what I need.

God, I’m learning to trust other people.  There are people in

this world who do what they say they will do.  I’m learning to

sort through people.  I’m learning the difference between those

who have hurt me and those who have not.  I’m learning,

gingerly, carefully, to put my weight down full on that

which can hold me up.

God, I’m learning to trust you.  I’m learning to put into words

things I have been afraid to tell you.  I’m learning that your

steadfast love endures forever, that you will not abandon me,

that you do not lie to me.  I’m learning that you do not hurt me,

call me stupid, run out of patience, forget to do what you said

you would, change your mind, change the rules.

God, I’m learning to trust the truth.  I’m learning its power,

tts freedom.

I’m learning that I can speak truth, believe truth…believe in me.

Amen

Survivor Prayers

OLD TEARS

These tears I’m crying now are old tears formed decades ago in my childhood,

when tears were forbidden.

I kept them inside, waiting for safety.

The wall that held them back was built of threats, of fear, of pain.

The water in these tears has almost dried up.

The salt has almost crystallized with age,

Eaten through my soul,

Purified my wounds.

Now the healing has begun, and now my tears can fall.

And now, my comforter, I cry these tears.

Now they fall freely.

Now their falling brings freedom.

And you, my comforter, are the one who gathers my tears,

who hears my pain,

who holds me gently as I sob,

who dries my face.

You are the one who guards me as I grieve.

For healing, for safety, for love, I give you thanks.

Amen

Catherine J. Foote, Survivor Prayers – Talking with God about Childhood Sexual Abuse (Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1994), 75.

The Ultimate Betrayal - Part 2

UNDERSTANDING INCEST – PART II

Written By: Deborah R.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INCESTUOUS FAMILY

We are going to take a look at only a few characteristics of an Incestuous Family.  The ramifications of sexual abuse can be so extreme that the abused will lose all sense of reality and never know their own identity.  However; through the Blood of Jesus Christ and His ever present grace and mercy, you can overcome sexual abuse/assault and live a very balanced and productive life.  Jesus came so that we may have life and that life more ABUNDANTLY.

1.  Shame:

Shame can be a horrible spirit that attacks you when you feel you do not measure up to the standards of others.  In some instances, an incestuous family will try to make it as though life is grand and the family is perfect to an extent.  Typically the shame truly resides with the abuser and the victim.  First, the abuser is shamed because some part of their life hasn’t measured up to a standard that was probably set by their abuser and a lack of acceptance based on who they really are.  The victim is shamed in the sense that they are not accepted because they are “dirty.”  They have to perform to a certain level to maintain the peace in the family or perform to keep the family together.  Thus, losing their identity and their need for nurturing is unfulfilled.  Too often this leads the victim into destructive habits that reach far into adulthood.  Perfectionism and Approval must come at any cost.  The victims masks the pain, shame and undo guilt by busying themselves in their careers, at church, and volunteering to the point they are overwhelmed; again, reinforcing the inability to perform for acceptance and love.  This vicious cycle continues throughout the lives of both until they are able to see themselves as God truly sees them.  Accepted and loved for who they are and not what they have done.

2.  Abuse of Power:

Incestuous parents use their position of power to gratify their own needs without regard for harm done to others.  Powerful individuals may rigidly demand one kind of behavior one day and, without prior notice, abandon the first expectation and substitute another.  Such misuses of power are modeled in incestuous families, teaching family members that power is important in human relationships and that powerful people can make their own rules and change them when they want.  This incestuous family system used power irresponsibly as a way to gain and maintain control.  The family needs to understand how the wrong use of power has been destructive to every member of the family.  Those who are abusing power must be willing to change that behavior and learn to replace aggressiveness with assertiveness.  Those who have been abused must learn to become assertive rather then passive.¹  Identifying and confronting this wrong behavior will bring balance to both the abuser and the abused; allowing them to walk in victory.

3.  Distorted Communication:

The lack of communication is what allows sexual abuse to continue in a family cause any type of communication at all to be distorted to all family members.  “No-Talk” rules are typically nonverbal rules set about many topics mainly pertaining to sex talks.  “Walking on Eggshells” to an incestuous family is crucial because no one can ever know what has or is happening.  Either the abused or family members carry a great deal of guilt and shame that causes them to protect themselves for the family from exposure of incest.

A.  Appeasement:

To avoid conflict at any level keeping becomes a way of life generally for the abused. Not wanting to “stir” the waters or bring attention to themselves.  The abused typically feels as though they need to meet “needs” of others whether emotional or sexual in hopes of maintaining peace.

B.  Blame:

Blame is the presence of hidden shame and can be extremely destruction to the self-worth and self-esteem.  Blame can come from the offending parent as well as the non-offending parent.  It may sound like this, “If you hadn’t walked around in those shorts and nightgowns, I wouldn’t have done that.  It wasn’t my fault, I was seduced.”  Or from the non-offending parent, “If you would have kept your mouth shut, our family would still be together.”  “It’s because of your behaviors my husband is gone.”  “He’s really not a bad person, he just needs help.”  This can put an overwhelming unjust guilt on the one who has been abused. 

4.  Social Isolation:

This is all based on fear!  Fear from that someone will find out.  Fear of exposure.  Never having a true relationship with anyone causes a void.  The lack of nurturing, love and acceptance is replaced with shame, guilt and fear causing the individual or the entire family to retreat into isolation.

5.  Denial

Denial is a form of a self-defense mechanism that the abused or family members to cope with the reality, or the non-existence, of the sexual abuse.  It takes a great deal of denial by family members to overlook incest.  To the victim, they are getting a sex education or “helping Dad.” 

6.  Lack of Intimacy

Relationships involve closeness that is deep personal.  The lack of trust, poor self-esteem, and the inability to acknowledge the needs of others creates a void that neither the victim nor family members are able to establish healthy relationships.  In the incestuous family, this is typically found between the husband and wife.

7.  Blurred Boundaries:

We all have boundaries, “the invisible shield surrounding us, something like a capsule.  This invisible line marks our limits – where we end and the rest of the world begins.  When our boundaries are well defined, we can express and take responsibility for what we think, what we feel, and what we do.”²  Veering off course from the typical roles of Father, Mother and child causes a role reversal and a blurring of boundaries.  Parents have little respect for the privacy of the child.  Walking into bedroom while getting dressed, walking in on others while taking a baths or using the restroom leaves the child feeling as thought their bodies, feelings and personal space has no value.

8.  Dependency/Emotional Neediness:

When this neediness is developed in child, it produces a needy adult.  If the adult’s needs are not met by another person, this is where addictive dependency occurs.  “If you can’t meet my needs then Mr. Jack Daniels can.”  A substitute will take the place of person.  Often the dependent person tries to meet their needs through sources that will leave them unfulfilled.  Such as alcohol, drugs, food, bad relationships, pornography or sex with a child.  And so the cycle continues.

9.  Lack of Forgiveness:

To put it plain and simple, without forgiveness, the trauma of incest will never be resolved.  In not forgiving, the victim continues to give control to the abuser by replaying the scenes over and over and allowing the pain, anger and hatred to grow uncontrollably.  Whether by the abused or the abuser, when forgiveness enters, it gives a person the power to turn off the video in the head and allows God by His grace to begin to heal the deep hurt.  Once again, giving the person the ability to turn stop replaying the past hurts.  A misconception of forgiveness is that it says it’s okay what the other person has done.  Forgiveness is a process where trust has to be rebuilt after the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL.

¹Lynn Heitritter & Jeanette Vought, Helping Victims of Sexual Abuse – A sensitive, Biblical Guide for Counselors, Victims and Families (Bethany House Publishers, 1989), 70.

²Marilyn Mason, “Intimacy”Center City, Minn. Hazelden Foundation

Stalking

STALKING

We’ve all watched scary movies where the evil villain stalks the victim to scare us, all the CSI’s find a lot of clues to solve their TV Crime Dramas when they find where the murderer was hiding, waiting for, watching or stalking the victim.

In real life, what is stalking?  It is when one person intentionally acts or does something that is directed towards another person that causes that person to either fear for their safety or the safety of their close acquaintances or family.  For instance it might mean following the person or just letting the person know they are there somewhere.  The stalker may even leave clues.  It could also mean spying on or watching at a distance.  It can be verbal or written threats to the victim through phone calls, letters, and messages or emails.  This verbal or written threat must be made on at least two occasions before it is considered to be stalking.

Would you believe it, anyone can be a stalker?  It doesn’t matter whether the person is male, female, young, old, rich or poor.

Forensic psychologists have identified three basic “obsessed” types of stalkers:

1. Love Obsession.  This type of stalker becomes fixated on casual acquaintances, complete strangers or celebrities.   The stalker will attempt to establish some type of relationship with the victim even if it is a negative relationship.  Most often the   through writing.  They want any type of relationship with the victim.
2. Simple Obsession.  This is the most common type of stalker because when investigated there has been some type of prior personal or romantic relationship.  This is also referred to as “Fatal Attraction”.  The stalker “perceives” some type of mistreatment and attempts to restore the relationship or seek some type of retribution.  This is the most dangerous type of stalker where there has been some type of previous relationship because they are most likely seek to murder their victim  because they have the mentality “If I can’t have them nobody can.”
3. Ertomania.  This type of stalker is characterized by the delusion that the stalker is loved by the victim.  Just about all the stalkers in this category suffer most often .  from a mental disorder.  They will most often they will not attempt to talk face to face with the victim, but will use other methods of contact.

HOW DO YOU PROTECT YOURSELF?

• Make sure you know who is at your door BEFORE opening it.  A wide-angle viewer is suggested for all your doors.
• Maintain and unlisted telephone number.
• Keep exterior fuse boxes locked and always have battery powered flashlights or lanterns handy at all times.
• Be cautious of any unusual packages or boxes on your property that you know you didn’t order.  Do not disturb the objects.  TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS.  If you don’t recognize the shipping label and you know you didn’t order anything or the shipping is unknown, call the Police right away.
• Never leave your doors or windows unlocked.
• Children need to be accompanied to school and bus stops.
• If you suspect or know you are being watched or stalked, inform trusted neighbors, on-site manager, security or local police of the situation.  If possible, provide them with a picture of the suspected stalker.

STALKING IS NOT A FUNNY HARMLESS PRANK.  IT IS  VERY DANGEROUS AND IS ILLEGAL!!

For help and additional information you can call the

U.S.A.

National

Center

for Victims of Crime Stalking Resource Center 1-800-FYI-CALL     (www.ncvc.org/src)

You can also call Texas Association Against Sexual Assault (512) 474-7190 (www.taasa.org)

The Ultimate Betrayal part 1

UNDERSTANDING INCEST – PART 1

Written By: Deborah R.

By God’s design, the primary channel for learning one’s identity, for having needs met, for understanding who God is, and for developing relationships is the family system.  John Bettler, writing in the Institute of Biblical Counseling Perspective, states that “man as the image of God exists in two parts, male and female.”  Both male and female components, in the role of mother and father in a family system, directly affect our composite image of God, of self, and of interpersonal relationship.

In families where one or both parents represent distortions of God within that family system, relationships will be skewed and pain will result.  First Corinthians 12:26, “And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer,” illustrates how every part of the Body (or a family) suffers when one part suffers.  This is true both in families where incest is occurring or where abuse is occurring by a perpetrator outside the family, but the family is unaware of it.

Scripture speaks to incestuous family systems with the principle found in Galatians 5:9: “A little leaven leavens the whole lump.”  Families involved in incest have several common denominators, and each individual is impacted by the “leaven” in that system.  Once the family system is understood, intervention then becomes possible.  Restoration will only be complete as each individual takes responsibility before God and other family members to correct the dysfunctions.

Lynn Heitritter & Jeanette Vought, Helping Victims of Sexual Abuse – A sensitive, Biblical Guide for Counselors, Victims and Families (Bethany House Publishers, 1989), 61.

In PART II, we will take a look at some of the:  Characteristics of the Incestuous Family-

1. Shame
2. Abuse of power
3. Distorted communication
4. Social isolation
5. Denial
6. Lack of intimacy
7. Blurred boundaries
8. Dependency/emotional neediness
9. Lack of forgiveness

Catch Phrases

At different times and for 8 weeks at a time, I teach a marriage class at New Life.  This is one of the lessons that is helpful to ALL married couples.  I thought I would share it with you – come….. let me show you a valuable technique.

Catch-phrases
Your secret code to defuse conflict
By Pam and Bill Farrel

Let's face it: opposites do attract—then annoy! That thing you first fell in love with really ticks you off after a while. That sexy, disheveled look now reminds you of a walking pigsty. The cute way she'd pout when she wanted you to do something now feels like pure manipulation. If we aren't careful, those initial attractions-turned-annoyances-turned-conflict can pull us apart.

We've found the best way to handle such annoyances is to deal with them before they become full-out conflicts. How? Believe it or not, it's as simple as using a "password" or "catch-phrase": key words the two of you agree on that allow you to get back on track in your relationship.

For instance, when we were newlyweds, I (Pam) was a bit of a drama queen. If Bill said something that hurt my feelings, I'd cry, "You don't love me any more!" then run to our bedroom, slam the door, throw myself across the bed, and wait for Bill to follow me in and apologize. It was quite the performance!

Bill patiently endured these outbursts, until one day when my brother, Bret, was over. I went into my melodrama, and instead of Bill following me into our room, Bret entered applauding, took a trophy off the shelf, and said, "For best actress, we have Pam Farrel!"

Bill was thinking, He's dead, and somehow I'm going to pay for this!                         

Instead of reacting with anger, though, I started to laugh. My brother knew me; my number was up. Bill realized that when my drama threatened our relationship, a little humor helped. So the next time I went into my acting routine, Bill walked in and quoted his favorite line from Rocky in his best, although not very good, Philly accent.

"Yo, Pam, you know what you get when you tap a turtle on the back? Shell shock. Get it? Shell shock." And I laughed.

Bill discovered a catch-phrase that would calm me, pulling me out of my melodrama and back into reality. From that moment on, any time tensions arise from our differences, such as when Bill is running 10 minutes late—again—one of us can simply pull out a bad Philly accent, or say, "Yo, Pam" or "Shell shock. Get it?" and tempers calm. Even tapping the back of our hand as if we're tapping an imaginary turtle will soothe our nerves or frustrations in a tense public setting.

Your secret code to defuse conflict

Creating a catch-phrase
1. Tie the catch-phrase to a good memory. One couple we know uses their honeymoon, "

Maui

," as a password because it reminds them that days aren't always as rough as the moment they're in! What have been some of the happiest days of your relationship? Reminisce—you might remember an inside joke or create a code word that encapsulates a positive shared experience.

2. Humor helps! You both might enjoy a movie line, a joke punch line, greeting card, or commercial slogan. Some friends of ours are completely different in personality. He's a strong power broker on Wall Street; she's a delicate flower of an artist. In the corporate world, his decisive and authoritative strengths have made him financially successful. But when he used those same traits at home, he built hurt and resentment between them by mowing over her thoughts and feelings during their conversations. As I (Bill) spoke with him about his unintentional, yet hurtful, actions, I suggested they find a password to clue him in that he was overpowering his wife. They both love the Warner Brothers cartoon Roadrunner, and thought that poor flattened coyote perfectly illustrated how she often felt.

Now when she feels overwhelmed by her husband, she just says in her best roadrunner form, "Beep, beep!" That means "Back off, buddy!" in the nicest way.

Another couple likes the show Home Improvement. When Chris tries to "fix" his wife's issues without letting her talk them out completely, she'll say, "Tim Taylor" or "You have your tool box out again."

3. You both need to agree. We've found phrases such as, "Get over it!" aren't very effective! Passwords shouldn't be a phrase one mate uses to club the other over the head, or snide, cutting remarks intended to force the partner to tow the line. Instead, choose a prearranged phrase that makes you both feel better emotionally.

I (Bill) found a way to handle a situation that's been irritating me for almost 10 years. I'm a one-task-at-a-time man who likes to start a project and finish it before I begin another. The only way I can do this is to limit the number of ideas I let myself juggle. Pam, on the other hand, is an idea person. She relaxes by coming up with and discussing new ideas. This energizes her. But listening to it all causes me stress and a lot of irritation!

Oftentimes, when we're sitting around relaxing, Pam will begin sharing her growing list of inspirational thoughts about how to make the world a better place. As I listen to what seems to be an endless stream of ideas, I become worn out.

For years I didn't understand this phenomenon. I felt overwhelmed because I thought I needed to act on every one of her ideas. If they'd been my ideas, I would not have shared them until I was ready to move on them. I assumed Pam was operating the same way. But she wasn't! One day I finally asked her, "Do I need to act on every idea you bring up?" "Of course not!" Pam replied. "I could never do all my ideas."The light went on for me. For the first time, I realized I didn't have to feel responsible for every item Pam brainstormed. What a relief!

I asked Pam, "When you share ideas that I really don't want to act on, can I say, 'Pam, that's a great idea?" With a twinkle in her eye, Pam said, "I think that's a great idea!"

"That's a great idea" has become a catch-phrase in our relationship

I (Pam) use it to prepare Bill for a difficult conversation. For example, I might say, "Hey, I have some great ideas I want to run by you. Is this a good time?" Or Bill can listen and respond to my long list of thoughts with, "Great ideas, Pam," which means, "I admire your creativity, Pam, but I'm not working on them right now!"

Make a date and review the happiest memories of your relationship to see if you already have a word or phrase you can use as your code. Passwords will give you the ability to maintain your patience, and you'll gain a way to regroup when those differences begin to bug you.

Memories to Capture Catch Phrases;

1. Vacation experiences

2. Movies lines that became memories

3. Food experiences

4. Song phrases

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  ~Simone Signoret

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.  ~Peter Devries

So to develop the depth of our characters, God sent the scrub brush of marriage to use on each other’s rough spots.   

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.  ~Author Unknown

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Beautiful Christian Sister

by Maya Angelou
  'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have
to seek Him first to find her.'
  When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
  When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
  When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
  When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
  When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.
  When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain ..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
  When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!'

Confession

Holy One,

I’m trying to sort through MY RESPONSIBILITIES.

Holy One, I’m trying to understand MY MISTAKES.

Holy One, I’m trying to figure out how to confess MY SINS to you.

I want my life back.

Let me tell you: when I was little, I was molested.

I didn’t know that wasn’t my responsibility.  That wasn’t my mistake.  That wasn’t my sin.

And then things got confused.  I couldn’t remember how to love.

I made bad choices.  I ran from you, from myself, from the pain.

I hurt people.  I lashed out, or I simply held back.  I got so mixed up, and I couldn’t find my way home.

I took no responsibility.  I acknowledged no mistakes.  I confessed no sin.

Now Holy One, I want MY LIFE back.

Protect me from my tendency to claim the guilt which is not mine, and save me from my eagerness to deny the guilt which is my own.

Holy One, hear my confession.

Amen

Catherine J. Foote, Survivor Prayers – Talking with God about Childhood Sexual Abuse (Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1994), 57.

I Am.....

Written By: Deborah R.

Declaration

Because of Christ’s redemption, I am a new creation of infinite worth.

I am deeply loved,

I am completely forgiven,

I am fully pleasing,

I am totally accepted by God,

I am absolutely complete in Christ.

When my performance reflects my new identity in Christ, that reflection is dynamically unique. There has never been another person like me in the history of mankind, nor will there ever be.  God has made me an original, one of a kind, a special person.

Because Of Redemption

I am deeply loved.

By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.  In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:9-11

I am fully pleasing.

Therefore having been justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Romans 5:1

I am totally acceptable and accepted.

And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach.  Colossians 1:21-22

I am a new creation-complete in Christ.

…and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority…Colossians 2:10